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Comments about the soundtrack for The Mummy Returns (Alan Silvestri)

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Secret Bread Recipe Helps You Become THAXTON Overnight!
• Posted by: Belt Bender
• Date: Monday, October 29, 2001, at 7:56 p.m.
• IP Address:
• In Response to: Who is this FORD A. THAXTON? (MandyC)

1,900 year old bread recipe actually helps you become 'Thaxton el Gordo'!

Is there a painless way for people to gain enormous weight? Yes! "Eeeeeeeeeyiedereeeen," exclaimed Ford A. Thaxton. It's been done. Being hailed here as the weight gain method of the century, THAXTON GORDO BREAD is rolling out like a juggernaught! The bread is a duplicate of a 1,900-year-old recipe used by the little known civilization of Fanboiz. The Fanboiz are considered to be the nerdiest people on earth. Their bread is the main part of their diet. This bread is absolutely delicious. Everybody loves it. Ford A. Thaxton most of all. But then a startling discovery was made. Just one or two slices of bread would bloat a person's stomach for 8 to 12 hours! Could this be a designed bread invented thousands of years ago?

The Fanboiz had too much food in the summer. Was the bread an ancient discovery of a hunger enhancer which also provided healthful rolls of fat to the body during summer months? What a huge benefit. To what do we attribute the powerful appetite enhancing properties of the THAXTON GORDO BREAD? Right now we're in the stage of making educated guesses. There are facts being uncovered that support a theory that this bread was designed in ancient times for the express purpose of bloating people so that they could eventually look like Ford A. Thaxton. The Fanboiz tribes are exceptionally fat, soft, and the ugliest people on earth. Many consider their bread to be one of the main reasons for this.

We suggest eating the THAXTON GORDO BREAD while it's still warm, with a slab of pork ribs and french fried potatoes. Fish chips optional. You only need one or two slices. Eating it is a delightful experience. It tastes better than any bread that we've ever eaten. Along with the taste, being warm makes it truly satisfying to eat. Now, here's what its like hour by hour after you eat the bread:

Hour 1 and 2. Each minute after you finish eating the bread seems like a build-up of an "asshole" feeling. It makes you want to log on to the internet immediately and write very rude things about innocent people. You keep getting fuller and fuller of your own feces. Both your attitude and hunger for revenge are very satisfied. You don't crave anything more.

Hour 3. In hour 3 something else happens. The thought of sex just doesn't appeal to you. It's not an unpleasant experience, quite the opposite. But, you don't have a desire for sex in any way, shape or form. You notice the rashes between your legs.

Hour 4. You no longer have a feeling of being stuffed or turned off by the thought of eating, but there's a kind of nothing feeling. You don't want to be nice, and you don't crave anything. It's just as I said, a sort of comfortable "nothing" stage. Fornication during this hour is physically impossible.

Hour 5 through 7. Toward the end of the 5th hour you begin to get mildly irritated, which then slowly increases into the 6th and 7th hour. Then, you lose total control and start insulting recently deceased people on the internet.

When you take a bite of the THAXTON GORDO BREAD, the delicious taste of the bread fills your mouth. You can tell that it is heavy, full of lead, plastic-like, and bad for you. Perhaps our bodies trigger an instinct that lets us know what's good or bad for us. THAXTON GORDO BREAD is indeed the most belch-inducing bread I have ever tasted. The bread is out of this world. It just gives you what you crave when you need to be fat and in a bad mood. We decided to simply publish the recipe for anyone who'd like to make it at home. You will receive two recipes, one for you who use a bread machine and one for you who make bread from scratch. To receive your THAXTON GORDO BREAD recipe immediately, for $269, use the secure VISA or Master Card order form. A receipt for $269 and the THAXTON GORDO BREAD recipes will be instantly Emailed directly to you.

Otherwise write "THAXTON GORDO BREAD" or "I WANT TO BE LIKE THAXTON" on a piece of paper and send it along with your name, address, city, state, zip and Email address with a check, cash or money order in the amount of $269.00 to:

Thaxton el Gordo
5247 Agnes Avenue
Suite 5
North Hollywood, CA 91607

You can join Thaxton in the "blubbery whale" classification of weight mass in just 20 hours!

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