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. 1. Free Guy
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. . 1. Alice in Wonderland
2. Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker
3. LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring
4. Solo: A Star Wars Story
5. Justice League
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10. Alice Through the Looking Glass
. . 1. John Williams in Vienna
2. Space Battleship Yamato
3. The Legend of Zorro
4. Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back
5. The Forbidden Kingdom

The Filmtracks Faux Pas Tribute

From Christian Clemmensen, webmaster of Filmtracks:

I delight in the strange, perverse, and nonsensical. I treasure all the feedback I get from this site, but nothing improves my day more than a really strange e-mail message. After having been amused by these messages since 1995 now, and saving them for a possible future use, I've decided to post the best of the weird flames, peculiar compliments, completely irrational comments, and death threats for your enjoyment. I get an overwhelming number of compliments --and my sincere appreciation goes out to my regular visitors!-- but for every ten compliments, there's a message like those below. This page is only indirectly related to soundtracks; it's meant rather to amuse my deviant, trouble-making mind... and let you in on some of the fun.

Some of the comments are truly brilliant, some are in foreign languages, and some have a meaning unknown to even God. I've removed the name of the sender unwillingly, however it seems like the logical thing to do. Beware: some of the language that appears below is of extremely poor taste. My personal comments are in red [brackets]. Enjoy!

The First Batch: May 1996 - November 1997

Date: Thur, 16 May 1996         
Subject: Your Soundtrack Reviews

                  [back in the old days before Filmtracks!]
Wow, you have lots of great images on your page, particularly the cool
CD covers on your soundtrack review page.  It's a pity that they are
accompanied by your reviews.

Your pan of composers like Goldenthal and Serra is done in such a way
as to suggest "I know nothing here, so I'll try to write something
cute and glib to hide my ignorance."  No matter what your opinion of
his Goldeneye score (I personally thought it sucked), Serra is hardly
a composer no one has heard of, except for yourself, of course.  As
for Goldenthal, you may consider yourself an honorary member of the
"Waah, He's Not Elfman" Whiner's Club.  Get over it.  Elfman was a
one-trick pony, he couldn't even come up with an original score for
Batman Returns, just that "ooh ah" Edward Scissorhands shit.  Bring me
a barfbag!  Goldenthal's part of a new generation of original
composers who don't pander musically to the pudding-headed James
Horner-worshipping "happy crappy tune"-loving sycophants like

(Speaking of James Horner, that was a very nice tribute to him.  A tip
to make it even better?  How about adding photos of all the classical
composers he rips off in EVERY score he writes?  BONUS!)

Sorry to go off like this, but for the life of me I can't see why
you'd put something as uninformed and sophomoric as your so-called
reviews and NOT expect to get flamed.  Do yourself a favor and learn a
little about the music and composers you are trying to review.  Either
that, or stick to scanning CD covers, a task which you are apparently
quite good at...

Date: Wed, 29 May 1996 Subject: --none-- ---------------------------- you are asshole big asshole enough could drown elephant [The future of the English language is bright]

Date: Wed, 10 Jul 1996 Subject: you ---------------------------- I read that you are addicted to Pepsi products. All of a sudden, your website makes total sense. It has been proven that Pepsi rots the brains, specifically, the brain cells that process audio signals. This would explain your incredibly poor taste in soundtracks, and the ultimate failure of your site. [Ah, so THAT's it!]

Date: Thu, 25 Jul 1996 Subject: request ---------------------------- I am in search of a picture of John Williams from the rear side. Any help obtaining this picture would be greatly appreciated. [oh, shit... I don't want to know...]

Date: Tues, 12 Nov 1996 Subject: Nice site... ---------------------------- nice site you have... but I must insist /// You ought to be killed. your review of spitfre grill is fucked. I want to hang you by the testacles to an oscillating ceiling fan and use a red hot poker to put some sense into you! Ahoy!!!!!! $%406$%)&*64#4%&^ [I think this individual had problems before visiting my site]

Date: Sat, 11 Jan 1997 Subject: ATTENTION! ---------------------------- i am the raisuli! i do not sing!! [Historically correct. I doubt the relevance, though]

Date: Sat, 25 Jan 1997 Subject: Alien Disk Reviewer ---------------------------- what the fuck do you know anyway sucker? ...are we feeling properly sedated or what....

Date: Tue, 25 Mar 1997 Subject: your web page ---------------------------- I hate your web page. It stinks. A dissruptor could kill it. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!I HATE YOU!

Date: Sun, 04 May 1997 Subject: ?????? ---------------------------- YOUR SITE IS GREAT !!! BUT... WHO ARE THE PEOPLE ON THE PICTURES ??? [What pictures?]

Date: Thu, 29 May 1997 Subject: The Devils Own Review ---------------------------- I just have to say that you wouldn't know good music if it would bite you in the behind. "The Devils Own" is one of the best soundtracks I've ever heard. I think you need to find a new hobby. Reviewing soundtracks is not a strength of yours.

Date: Sun, 01 Jun 1997 Subject: It need ---------------------------- I think that your site need pictures.

Date: Sun, 08 Jun 1997 Subject: Filmtrack Web Page ---------------------------- Dear Dork, This is not John. This is ------. You STINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stink stink stinky poopoo head you are this. Critics like you are the people who bring society down to the ranks of Crazy naked Dancing Men on the streets of New York. Can't you let people decide what they like for themselves. I, for one, enjoyed the Hercules soundtrack and the Lion King was stupid, poorly sung and acted, not to mention it was gay. Like you. I hate you and you are my mortal enemy. You should be tied up, drug into the street and shot. And then, painfully bleed to death while you experience the Chinese Water Torture. People have their own minds and they can decide things for themselves so piss off!!!!! I don't ever want to see anything from you again!!! Good day!!!

Date: Fri, 13 Jun 1997 Subject: --none-- ---------------------------- As a Christian, I would just like to say that I am personally offended by your remarks on your web page. Granted, I don't know who was attacking your web site and why, but that certainly doesn't give you the right to slam a particular group with your bigoted remarks. I don't suppose that if it had been Buddhists attacking your site that you would have referred to them as saffron-robed chrome-domes or if a group of African-Americans had been the culprits, you would have made referrence to niggers or coons. I would hope that you would offer Christians the same courtesy. [I'm actually Agnostic]

Date: Sat, 28 Jun 1997 Subject: ?!#$%%^#%#$^ ---------------------------- You stupid fool! ! NOTHING DISNEY DOES IS BELOW AVERAGE! You people can't just go to a movie and enjoy it. Why pull the thing apart before anyone sees it ! CRITICS SUCK ! ! ! They have no idea what they're talking about and . . . . . you just all SUCK! ! ! ! I bet the box office and Disney's pocket will disagree with you [I'm sure]

Date: Sun, 29 Jun 1997 Subject: information request ---------------------------- Thank you for the wonderful web site! I need help. Do you knwo where I can find an LP record of Eric Serra's Fifth Element? [Strange. Nostalgic?]

Date: Sun, 29 Jun 1997 Subject: You are the worst critic reviewer i have ever heard ---------------------------- Your reviews for all of the disney movies are the worst things i have ever heard. Not only do they show your ignorance about music in general, your review of Hercules also showed some acute stupidity! I would accept your views IF they were based on some true knowledge or insight into the matters you were dealing with. But alas, i detect much ignorance here. You are the only person who thinks Beauty and the Beast is better than Hercules. [Ah, Hercules again. Refreshing.]

Date: Sat, 02 Aug 1997 Subject: THAT'S a mystery! ---------------------------- Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was almost certain that you (at one time) claimed that you were the flight surgeon in Apollo 13, did you not? It was the most CURIOUS thing...this morning I was watching the movie Hero and who should I see but Christian CLEMENSON--the same name that was given on the credits of Apollo 13! He is quite clearly nearing middle age and you--unless you are using someone else's picture on your site-- are not. I realize that in this age of anonymity it is incredibly easy to let your imagination run away with you and say to yourself "I can be whatever I want, who is going to find out?" Even though your deception is harmless, it is people like you with deviant minds that give the internet its bad reputation. Until this morning I respected you--even though I disagree with you almost all the time-- but now I am sorry to say that you are nothing but an egocentric liar with no integrity or credibility to speak of. In short: you, Sir, are a boob! [I had no clue where this guy was coming from. Indeed there's an actor in Apollo 13 with a similar name, but he's a hell of a lot older than I]

Date: Mon, 4 Aug 1997 Subject: It is not fair! ---------------------------- I was very much infuriated about your reviews. I AM A FAN IN TURKEY! [As opposed to where.... Greece?]

Date: Tue, 12 Aug 1997 Subject: Your life ---------------------------- Looking for a replacement for your girlfriend? [What???!!?]

Date: Wed, 17 Sep 1997 09:40:24 Subject: suggestion ---------------------------- it is my sworn duty as a citizen of this great nation of ours to figure out what the hell is wrong with you sexually???!! I hear that you are squemish about both giving and recieving oral pleasure? Unacceptable. Verify or deny these charges and if true expand on them. The Dr. can only be of service with all the facts in order Dr. Raoul [I do not know this gentleman]

Date: Sun, 28 Sep 1997 Subject: Pink bunnies and duct tape ---------------------------- When the devil comes, and he will come, he will be wearing an orange polyester leisure suit - complete with bell bottoms. [likewise, the origins of this baffles me]

Date: Wed, 01 Oct 1997 Subject: Hunt for Red October ---------------------------- Thank you all for such a wonderful film! I bought copies for my self and my mother and father, we all love the eye for details you used in the movie. I can't seem to get the tea glasses that are used in the production, out of my mind, and have looked every where I can think of. Is it possible to get information from the "Prop Dept." as to were a copy of the tea glasses that sat on the Captain's cabin desk, as he talked to the political officer? [This gentleman seemed to be confused about my role in the world...]

Date: Fri, 03 Oct 1997 Subject: FEEDBACK ---------------------------- YOU SHOULD BE EXECUTED. your site is almost as stupid as that movieTunes squash! You should all be killed and replaced with drones!!! &&% carrot stick in the wrong place@ **8 ick TRANFORMERS RULE! nothing defeats the Devastator! [I kinda liked those Constructicons myself... What's with the veggies?]

Date: Tue, 14 Oct 1997 Subject: Some opnions about 7 years in Tibet ---------------------------- To whom it may concern: The producer knows nothing about tibet and China. Please don't just making money, but read some history about it. Dalai thinks he is a god. He is not. He is just a furgitive. When he was in tibet, it was slavery. People had no life. Why don't you make some films about how white people killed native Americans while you still celebrate Thanksgiving Day every year? [Alas, he had a very Chinese name...]

Date: Wed, 29 Oct 1997 Subject: Your website... ---------------------------- I think your website sucks!! However, I think you are one cute looking guy. I would love to have my way with you. Why don't you get rid of that bimbo you have now, and give me a chance [Excuse me?]

The Second Batch: December 1997 - February 2000

Date: Sat, 13 Dec 1997 Subject: FilmTracks? ---------------------------- YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED LIFE IS TOO PRECIOUS TO STANDBY AND IGNORE YOUR FATE [And what is my fate? I hate when they leave me hanging]

Date: Tue, 30 Dec 1997 Subject: Get real ---------------------------- Pretty graphics. Dumbass content. That is FilmTracks. Why are you doing this web site anyway? Take a minute to check out your superior competition. Years from now, while this place crashes and burns, you'll be slobbering at the quality of and So give up. They make you look really bad. And another thing: you lala Horner fans make me sick. [Funny... as fate would have it, Filmtracks outlived both those sites as they once were...]

Date: Sun, 25 Jan 1998 Subject: internetLife ---------------------------- hahaha thats pretty funny,inbreeders...well people who are inbred usually arent very bright so I guess you must have gotten many of those jeans.good thing. good luck.quackquack! endeavor ship duck. [A waste of good bandwidth...]

Date: Fri, 30 Jan 1998 Subject: friendly words ---------------------------- Liberals, by definition, are extreme so your hapless boast of being an extreme liberal in political view was tautologous. Your fawning before the squalor of feminism (or the perceived power in position of women as your stupidly call it) was as pathetic as your reviews. Women need to know their rightful place in society's hierarchy. [Wow. This guy needs to watch some female bodybuilding on ESPN]

Date: Fri, 27 Feb 1998 Subject: feedback ---------------------------- I hope you burn in hell, you fucking loser! I have seen alot of bullshit since birth, but this takes the fucking prize! [Yes, this was in response to the Mortal Kombat review]

Date: Wed, 11 Mar 1998 Subject: hgw ---------------------------- I can't believe how much you look like a giant piece of shit. Your reviews suck too. Harry Gregson-williams is GOD! Someone needs to slap some sense into your ugly face. [My girlfriend tries to slap some sense into my ugly face all the time]

Date: Fri, 24 Apr 1998 Subject: oh, baby! ---------------------------- Oh yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, yeah, baby do it like that. Yes! Yes! YES YEEESSS! YUAEHHHHHHHDHGJKD#^)&#$!! [I'm assuming this is an orgasm. If so, bravo! I'm glad I could help]

Date: Sat, 15 May 1998 Subject: take my advice ---------------------------- I apologize, my friend, but you are mistaken. Gattaca is life. Gattaca knows no boundries. Therefore, I have authorized the use of weapons against you and your hive. Once we kill you off, the general intelligence of the gene pool will be greatly enhanced. Deliberate alterations to our offspring will cost less at last. The fetus is Gattaca. Your destruction will lead to celebrations in the streets of Galah. Pray now, as your death is approaching with haste. [Eighteen months later, and no horse's head in bed yet]

Date: Thu, 28 May 1998 Subject: Tunes ---------------------------- To Whom It May Concern: I'm writing to inquire as to why the soundtracks for films from the great nation of Kenya are not included in the selections. [Kenya? Whoa...]

Date: Fri, 12 Jun 1998 Subject: tastefully belief ---------------------------- i am a singaporean who is always unsatisfied and frustrated with the lack of soundtrack resources in my country. your sensuous and beautiful world of filmtracks helps me make my bodysuit wet with delight. devotion makes for perfection. [A wet bodysuit... Somehow, that one doesn't make me proud]

Date: Thu, 09 Jul 1998 Subject: Filmtracks is bitchin'! ---------------------------- That subject line grabbed your attention, didn't it?!? I was JOKING, totally! What I meant to say was: "Filmtracks is written by a bitch." This letter is basically concerning your shoddy, unintelligible review of Danny Elfman's score. I was always under the impression that with the loss of one sense, the other senses were supposed to be heightened--this is NOT the case with you. I was not aware that detachment of the retinas also, apparently, causes hearing loss. Not to be blasphemous, but Jesus Christ (and let's be honest here, when was the last time you "felt the love" of ANYONE?!?), Helen Keller could spot the themes in this score! Complex thoughts are not your strong-suit, are they, Christian? As a matter of fact, if a theme doesn't come up and kick you right in the balls it doesn't exist, does it?? Could you sense the sarcasm in that last statement? Also, why do you feel that a composer has to live up to YOUR expectations just to be considered talented? God forbid a composer like Danny Elfman expand and grow in his musical career...whether YOU like his music of late or not, HE is the one making mega-bucks while you are busy rotting in Montana and having your picture taken with cows. In bringing this letter to a close, I would just like to say that I'm sure many people would agree with my complaints about your review--if not about this particular review, then about other reviews in which you state that the score (whatever it may be) has no theme. This edict of yours is an easy cover for A) Laziness, B) Uninformed pompousness, C) Lack of imagination, -or- D) All of the above. As a college student, you well know that if "D" is "All of the above," it is probably the right answer. You know, actually I wish that I could have been in one of your classes so that I could have punched you in the face Better start learning Braille now, buddy!

Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 Subject: Please help ---------------------------- I was enjoyng the new album of Dune the other day when I noticed a vomiting sound at the end of track 22. It's like some dude in the orchestra had some bad dope or something and is unloading his lunch on the floor. Why would they let the guy puke and keep playing? And I hear it! Please variefy. Its been buging me. [Bad dope... Does anyone else hear this? Perhaps an individually defective product?]

Date: Fri, 04 Sep 1998 Subject: Requesting you for second releasing rights of "WILLOW" movie. ---------------------------- Re: WILLOW (M.G.M) Dear Filmtracks Sir As my client came to know, that the above said picture was released in India 6 Years back,for the some we are requesting you releasing rights India or South India rights for English version as well as doubing rights of regional languages. Thyerefore iam requesting you to offer your price and terms and conditions. Further iam expecting from your side to negotiate, after the fulfillment of this deal iam expecting the 1% of the value of the deal. Satyanarayanapuram-Vijayawada, India. [Once again, my position in the world is mistaken]

Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 Subject: question ---------------------------- How hard is your unit? [What?!?]

Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1998 Subject: Star Trek TMP ---------------------------- It's amazing they let you into college. What's wrong with you? Why can't you for once construct a sentence using correct English grammar? It's embarrassing to know that thousands of people are reading your reviews. Your comments on the Sony Star Trek score were childish, if not the work of an ape. Someone should crank you in the ass with a big hard one. Maybe that would help you along! If I lived in Seattle, I'd do it myself. [The part about the ape is a constant joy for me]

Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1998 Subject: don't feel bad ---------------------------- i don't think your web site sucks. i agree with you most of the time and i think some people are taking your reviews too, fuck 'em! lets dance the night away and sweep the elfman fans under the rug! ey, baby? [Interesting solution]

Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1998 Subject: disgusted ---------------------------- On your home page, you state, "One guy said: If assholes had wings, this place would be an airport --validity of this still in question..." Very obnoxious quote -- is it really necessary to read this every time I look for a good, new film soundtrack review? [It's been there since 1995, and the validity is STILL in question]

Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1998 Subject: disco rules! ---------------------------- If you have nothing but negative opinions about Close Encounters, don't review it! Keep your damn personal feelings out of this review. There are people out there who like disco, still, including myself, and I am 16! The dancefloor was never the same after the STAR WARS THEME/CANTINA BAND single was released! So keep your personal opinions of music off the reviews, and get your head examined! [Reviews with no opinions. What a concept!]

Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1998 Subject: I am seek ---------------------------- I am seek send money please. now! without it, i shall shrivel. [Exactly WHAT will shrivel?]

Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 Subject: fuck you!, white ass ---------------------------- I just wanted to tell you that you suck, and that obviously you have hardly any musical talent. And since this e-mail is telling you that you suck you will probably ignore it. Like you give some rat's ass. Anyway just wanted to let you know how much you blow. Titan blow. Bye [I've never heard of a "Titan blow" before...]

Date: Wed, 20 Jan 1999 Subject: A Word With You ---------------------------- You goddamn son of a bitch. You wouldn't know good music if it came up and bit you in the ass. Zoe Poledouris is one of the finest young artists in music today, and to possibly think that her song would detract from the Starship Troopers soundtrack is complete nonsense. I also find your lack of respect for Danny Elfman's recent scores to be unacceptable. Civil Action and Good Will Hunting are both far better than his immitation scores for Batman and Sommersby. I have a suggestion: Q-tips. For the good of the earth, please go buy some and use them to clean out your ears. Maybe then, you'll hear the TRUTH. [Whose TRUTH? This guy's?]

Date: Fri, 29 Jan 1999 Subject: Attn to Clemmensen ---------------------------- The guy on the ScoreBoard is right. Back a few years ago, Filmtracks used to be an intelligent place to visit. But now it is, as Mr Morris said, "nothing more than the Drudge Report with overworked Photoshop graphics." If you can't eventually say something good about Danny Elfman, then just shut up about him! As I see it, you have two options: quit your stupid public speaking classes (you're already a graduate anyway!) and spend more time on Filmtracks, or, if you can't make that honest and necessary committment to the film music cause, then shut down your site or give it to someone else who could be more committed to it. The guys at MovieTunes and FilmScore Monthly spend the majority of their time on those publications and sites, and if you can't do the same, then I suggest you do us a favor and leave. [Indeed... Elfman fans again...]

Date: Sun, 7 Feb 1999 Subject: looking for a pic ---------------------------- Hi i was wondering if you could help me i am looking for a head shot pic of a charcter from the movie small soldiers the gorganite Zaniac a small pic if possible or a site i can copy it from thaks much appreciated gorganites are the ccoolest life blood of all can it be possible to send a talkng 3d movie file of Zaniac too and if gorganites help me in my quest i wil tell them to come visit you too [Kids these days...]

Date: Tue, 23 Feb 1999 Subject: uh... get a life dude ---------------------------- Everyones a critic... just not you, perhaps one day? i cant help you, becuase i can't sypathize with a person who obviously has an inadequate cock... i could kick your ass in mortal kombat or on the street . Your choice. [A Mortal Kombat fan... this one with a "cock issue"]

Date: Fri, 26 Feb 1999 Subject: Put ---------------------------- Please write the songs here in your internet page, so we can sing them in the Karaoke, and for the next time add it in the compact disc. In it, we love to sing in the shower with my sister's boyfriend. He has machine. [In the shower with your sister's boyfriend? And what machine? What?]

Date: Fri, 5 Mar 1999 Subject: movie ---------------------------- i wish to purchase the talking parts of many movies. i am not interested in the music portions. i bwant the great audios such "make my day". "shut your piehole"."terminate with extreme prejudice". "fuck you asshole" ."you kill my father prepare to die". "i want that tit". "get away from me you horses ass" etc. etc. etc. please help me with audio (no music) portions of as many movies as possible. again, no music. i no like music in film. [I know where some of those quotes are from, but the "tit" one?]

Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 Subject: I need h9m! ---------------------------- h9 I am xxxxx xxxxxxxx 9 love anthonyo banderas so much 9 am 13 years old please wr9te back to me when you f9nd h9m [My bounty hunting skills come at a hefty price]

Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1999 Subject: This is blassphemy! ---------------------------- This suck's! Whoever you are, you've lost your mind, sense for reality and the point. I cannot tolerate a man who does not appreaciate my work. Take your shame and live your life without honor or the ability to write. [This guy later claimed to be associated with a recording I reviewed]

Date: Sun, 9 May 1999 Subject: 2 stores about DINOSAURS. ---------------------------- [Stick with this one...] I wants to tell you this. DINOSAURS our HOT now of day!! And the most popleter dinosaur that's kids like is the TYRANNOSAURUS-REX!!! That's the most popleter dinosaur the kids like. Then all other species of dinosaurs. My dinosaur is the PTERODACTYLOID!! The flying dinosaur!! And the names of my two sci-fi stores is call. My first story is Prehistoric park. And my second is Pterodactyloid man's flight to Paris!! Both of my stores. Publish by Pablo Lennis magazine. But Pablo Lennis magazine is a small one man run publication. And John Thiel only publish your stores ONES & it's a non profits to. But it's betther then NOTHING!!!! And I want to tell you this? So you will not miss under stands me? I wrote & copyrighted the sequel of Jurassic park. Before Michael Crichton his eequel call the lost world. At first my first story of Prehistoric park WAS the sequel FIRST!! Now my first of Prehistoric park is a SPIN-OFF SEQUEL of Jurassic park!! Because of Michael Crichton's LUST FOR MONEY!!! But thanks you JESUS I got my first story of Prehistoric park COPYRIGHTED!!! The story of the lost world STINKS!! The special effects is good. But the story STINKS!! Why Crichton's sequel STINKS!1 Because their was movies like the lost world in pass & I can go on & on & on!! And I want to tell you this? My sequel is ten years in the future. And Crichton's is 8 years in the future & that's my ADVANTAGE!! Because the dinosaur park haves bin abandon a second time & it's their for the taking!!!! In my first story of Prehistoric park. The party of humans in my first story. Was in a sailboat race. Then sail pass the island & go back out to sea. Then in international waters our sailboats crash together & sink!! Then in our lifeboats? We see the island & to be glad to be on dry land. Then larer on the party of humans just found that's we our in the dinosaur park & can not get off te island!! But the party of human our working together. And we makes CYBORGS out of all of the Velociraptors & Dilophsaurus! And we SIMULATED all of them. As CYBORG VELOCIRAPTOR & DILOPHSAURUS!! And this new dinosaur park is a safe & peiceful dinosaur park. Because cyborg Velociraptors our not PROGRAM to attack & kill humans. And cyborg Dilophsaurus our not PROGRAM to spits attack & kill humans. Cyborg Velociraptors & Dilophsaurus our PROGRAM to sires humans & run Prehistorc park. It's a robot's brain ina dinosaur's body. And this new dinosaur is run by CYBORG DINOSAURS!! And all of the cyborg Velociraptors & Dilophsaurus. Haves a satellits dish on top of their heads! But that's not the best part of my first story?! The best part of my first is. Theirs a man inside the skull of the TYRANNOSAURUS-REX!! And the man inside the skull of the Tyrannosaurus-rex's body. Becomes a organ of the the body of the Tyrannosaurus-rex!! And the man inside the Tyrannosaurus-rex's skull is a preacher or pastor!! And I do haves a warp drive engine back pack. And the man inside the skull of the Tyrannosaurus-rex's body. Is wering the warp drive back park!! And I do haves the man inside the skull of the Tyrannosaurus-rex's body. Is riding on the back of te Brachiosaurus!! Plus much much much more!!! Now I wants to tell you about my second story. Pterodactyloid man's flight to Paris!1 Radon the Pterodactyloid man. Wants to be the first living thing. With wings on it's body to fly across the north Atlantic ocean. But Raon the Pterodactyloid man. Needs to be SIMULATED AT A CYBORG PTERODACTYLOID MAN!!!! My second story to a ponts? Is like FRANKENSTEIN!! But I get my body parts from a giant adaconda snake!! Radon need stroger & bigger wings & stroger muscles on Radon's body. So Radon got all of his skin replace from the snake. So Radon the Pterodactyloid man. Haves bigger & stroger wings!! The Radon haves all of his muscles replace from the snake! So Radon the Pterodactyloid man. Haves stroger breast arms & legs muscles!! So Radon can flap his wings faster & betther!! So Radon can fly across the north Atlantic ocean!! And as a CYBORG PTERODACTYLOID MAN!! Radon do haves alotts of artifical implants to!! Plus much much much more!!!!!!!!!! And I wants to to tell you this. I do haves WEBTV & webtv do haves it's limits. And I am looking for a movie producer to makes movies out both of my stores. And I do not knows that's you our a producer?? And am asking if you can help me find a producer? Or if you our a movie producer?? And I wood like to mail out both of my stores to you. If you can help me? So plese e.mail me you regular mailing address to me? If you can help me?? And YES I will mail my two about DINOSAURS to you by PRIORITY MAIL!! And that's will be my top PRIORITY!!! I do haves drawing my two sci-fi stores about DINOSAURS!! I haves 13 drawing of my first of Prehistoric park, And I haves 25 drawing of my second story of Pteodactyloid man's flight to Paris!!!!! [This was e-mailed to me AND posted to the ScoreBoard twice]

Date: Mon, 14 Jun 1999 Subject: [no subject] ---------------------------- FFFF UU UU CCC KK FF UU UU CC KK KK FF UU UU CC KK KK FFF UU UU CC KK KK FF UU UU CC KKK FF UU UU CC KK KK FF UU UU CC KK KK FF UUUU CCC KK KK YOU...!! [Impressive]

Date: Wed, 23 Jun 1999 Subject: comments... ---------------------------- I'm sorry but I was not impressed with your site. I did not feel that you brought any honor or glory to my Lord. I hope that you do not bring any dishonor to my Lord while you are learning how to review good music. [I apologize, but Filmtracks is definitely not the Lord's pleasure]

Date: Mon, 2 Aug 1999 Subject: Warning! The eclipse approaches... ---------------------------- That "monstriferous" Comet Lee will be seen during the solar eclipse this August 11th, followed by WWIII, the 1300-meter "King of Terror" meteoroid impact before 10 October 1999, and *many* catastrophic events, including the >20 degree shifting of the polar axis before 2002! The Tribulation prophesied even by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is begun. ANSWER THIS: Are you prepared? Godspeed, The reject [This was the best of them all!]

Date: Thu, 19 Aug 1999 Subject: read with care: ---------------------------- read with care: i think you are a stupid mother fucker with no sense of imagination do you comprehend? try again: i think you are a stupid mother fucker with no sense of imagination and just in case: i think you are a stupid mother fucker with no sense of imagination [Got it the first time...]

Date: Sat, 21 Aug 1999 Subject: [no subject] ---------------------------- el muhammed say... fuk u [el clemmensen say... fuk u tu!]

Date: Sun, 5 Sep 1999 Subject: Suggestion ---------------------------- Praise God! for the talents and skills that he has instilled in you. But please, Use better judgement in applying your talents. [Once again, I verify: Filmtracks is not endorsed by God OR Jesus]

Date: Fri, 22 Oct 1999 Subject: What is this??? ---------------------------- A tribute to the man? You are sick. Erich Kunzel is a fraud! Shame on you. [This one sounds personal]

Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 Subject: In Christ's name: ---------------------------- I believe you should put only tasteful material on a medium that was created by God. Some of the reviews on this Filmtracks page and subsequent pages are disgusting and I am truly offended! Jesus Christ died on the Cross over 1900 years ago for you and ever person that is writing this smut. If you have to put this stuff on something don't put it on His world wide web. I say this so you may see the folly of your ways. Jesus is willing and waiting for you as soon as you are willing to accept Him. I give this message in love and God Bless You!!!! [You know, there was this span of time in 1999 when all the Jesus advocates came out of the woodwork at once and pounded on Filmtracks. And I never found out which review caused all the fuss!]

Date: Thu, 23 Dec 1999 Subject: Hey you ---------------------------- Sing with me now! Ba boo bop bop bop Ba boo bop bop bop Ba boo bop bop bop Dinga linga boo bop bop bop Ay way lop boo bop Ba boo bop bop bop Ba boo bop bop bop Ba boo bop bop bop Dinga linga say yo may ba Ay way lop boo bop yo may ba boo bop bop bop hop la dop! hop la dop!!! [This is actually kind of hip if you say the lyrics. Try it]

Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 Subject: It has come! ---------------------------- The day of reckoning has arrived! You, fair man, will die along with the other hedonites of the darkness! Have faith in your music. With Hans Zimmer, you can save your soul and transcend to the Heaven of light and peace. If not, your soul will toil in the agony and mystery of your temptation, and John Williams will be there laughing at you! Trust Zimmer. I know I will. When the END arrives tonight, the Lion King will send me away to bliss and harmony!!!! [The image of Williams laughing at me was the real kicker here]

Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 Subject: you suck dick ---------------------------- i'm fucking sick and tired of hearing you blowhard john barry fans talking about how james bond music is all shit these days. fuck barry. and fuck you! you hail david arnold like some sort of hero but fail to mention that he is a hack! i will wear a dress in the streets of london before listening to one of his cds straight through. when will anyone realize that eric serra was the best of them all? goldeneye sucked in the screens, but the music kicks fucking ass and makes me want to beat the shit out of stupid dumbass people like you. youre a chicken! bauk! bauk! bauk! bauk! bauk! bauk! bauk! bauk! bauk! bauk! bauk! see that you dont anger me again. [bauk? I wonder what Eric Serra would think about this]

Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2000 Subject: please stop it! ---------------------------- Every time you continue updating your with new reviews, you make my mother cry! Please, leave us and our people alone!! Close your publication! [Somehow, I'm picturing my reviews leaping out of the screen and knocking these people in the face. Hmmm...]

Date: Fri, 4 Feb 2000 Subject: My decision ---------------------------- Sir or Madam, Your review of Hunchback of Notre Dame is offensive. You mock the language currently accepted by those of us who are not as fortunate as you by referring to us as handicapped. In case you have not read a newspaper or magazine lately, which would be advisable given your incredibly poor writing abilities, you will notice that "differenly abled" is the proper term to use. I am sure that you cannot appreciate the scope of your offensive statements and demand that you remove your review immediately. [I'm sick of politically correct nitwits. As much as we try to hide it, we still have people on this planet who are fat, dumb, and crippled. And I like them all]

Date: Sun, 13 Feb 2000 Subject: Give me ---------------------------- I don't give a shit about soundtracks. But I like the picture of your girlfriend on your personal page, and I would like to see a picture of her bare tits. Respond immediately. [She said no. But I told the guy that I could send a picture of mine instead]

Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 Subject: pissdip@# ---------------------------- Ill lick your tart, mutherfucker! *Am I Am I?> Batman beyond rocks &your furry butt__ cruth yr hea dand rip out your heartMM! yeah!!! Shaft this, asshol;e! i bet your eyes ar_e wide with fear now! get ready to DIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! [Oh, yes, my eyes are wide. But not with fear. Sorry]

The Third Batch: March 2000 - July 2002

Date: Fri, 10 Mar 2000 Subject: your Unrepentant Souls ---------------------------- How dare you sprinkle your horrid noxious false music opinions all over the Internet? Don't you realize that you are diverting people from the one true Way, the Tao? All the thousands of people who read your page will be damned to miserable lives of unnatural suffering because of you. Your music reviews deny the self-evident truth that people are only a small, insignificant part of nature. And it espouses burnt onion rings, of all heresies! Don't you know how many artificial chemicals they contain? Damn you to reincarnation as a slime mold! [This guy's right. Burnt onion rings are worse than all other unnatural sufferings]

Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 Subject: Batman Beyond ---------------------------- The posted review of Batman Beyond is more venomous than any one single episode of the show. This guy is obviously aggravated and insecure in his own existence. I am a musician, my favorite composer is J.S. Bach. So I could agree on the point that some of the guitar and drum parts are typically boring, however they are far from "DEMONIC". Lets face it....if anyone's music could be called "of the devil" then it would be Bach's or even Paganini. And when compared to evening sit com soundtracks Batman Beyond's soundtrack is a very nice change. Social, Political, or Religiously jaded people shouldn't critique art in any form as their opinions are automatically biased!!!! Batman Beyond is a refreshing change from the mindless worlds of most everything on T.V. It challenges the young peoples intellect and encourages them to consider possibilities, here and now as well as in the future. The soundtrack at times really enhances this and at other times could use a little less or more, but even Bach didn't just sit down writing masterpieces at the beginning. I for one can't wait to see how the show and the soundtracks evolve. It would even be nice to be a part of teem. Some constructive criticism instead of vicious slander may be what the teem needs. Remember , a soundtrack is supposed to capture the mood of the moment, not appease jaded listeners. Not all moods or moments are for everyone. Judge the soundtrack of a film by whether or not it captures and enhances the mood!!! NOT by whether or not it's your favorite kind of music!!!!!!!! Idiots!! [Batman Beyond would be more interesting if scored with Bach]

Date: Thu, 13 Apr 2000 Subject: ALIEN ---------------------------- EGGS MAN EAT IEGS 4 IS A NAME ALIEN. THE MAN AND GRIL IS MONSTER TE . [Hey! How many times do I have to tell you? Do NOT let the alien creature attach itself to your face!]

Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 Subject: Feedback submission for ---------------------------- You filthy, unnatural, sexually aberrant freak. Why are you spreading hairy-faced lies about the Internet? My mother never smiled, and she always practiced good hygene to prevent moldiness. Furthermore, she is a champion film music enthusiast, and she told me to tell you that your so-called reviews are as nauseating as putrescent Limburgher cheese rinds curdling in the gallbladder of a plague-infested rat. They, unlike her, do not have good hygene. So there. [And they wonder why so many people are terrified of meeting their potential mother-in-law?]

Date: Wed, 03 May 2000 Subject: filmtracks is a bunch a crap ---------------------------- first of all i'd like to say that goes way to far trying to scrutinize, overanalyze, and just basically suck all life out of the music. it's a watered down review site that is destroying the whole fucking scene. you should take off your goddamn sweatters, smash your fucking lunchboxes and stop your crying. everything your trying to do just makes score music more of a corporate fad and a novilltiey for middle class white teenagers looking to reble in style with the rest of their so called friends. so cut the act and get on with your fucking life. [This one was about the review for Babylon 5: Crusade... Sad, really]

Date: Thu, 11 May 2000 Subject: concerned custumer ---------------------------- I rencently purchased the soundtrack of Jurassic Park written by john williams,and I have lost the music sheet to it . Is there any way that you can contact john williams and have him hand copy me a flute music sheet from this piece and email it to me. Thank you for your time, [Yes, and while I'm at it, I'll ask John to go to your home and fix you a gin and tonic]

Date: Sat, 20 May 2000 Subject: Strategic partnership in the adult market ---------------------------- Dear Christian, I am writing to you in regards to establishing a strategic partnership between companies. I am the President of, which will be a new web site dedicated to the needs of young, sexually active professionals living in the metropolitan Boston area. Our future plans include expansion throughout major cities in the United States. We are in the process of currently implementing the first phase of our business plan, which is providing the general entertainment content of the website, which is in essence similar to information you obtain in a variety of adult magazines. We have an in-house staff of writers and photographers, but have had problems obtaining personnel with experience in the film industry. What we would like to do for the movie and music section of the website is incorporate your soundtrack content into our site. This would give you a broader outreach in terms of viewership in the adult entertainment industry and allow you to market and sell any products or advertisement to a larger audience. For providing you with this opportunity, we would just be looking for good content for our adult viewers interested in the latest movie and music releases. In the next few weeks we will be expanding the site dramatically, and we expect to generate significant interest throughout the Boston area. If you are interested in working together feel free to contact me. You can reach me via e-mail at or by phone at I am looking forward to hearing from you. Please, feel free to ask any questions or make any suggestions. Sincerely, xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx President [Damn! "Filmtracks Adult Soundtrack Reviews" does have a certain ring to it]

Date: Wed, 24 May 2000 Subject: Is it true? ---------------------------- some friends and I were talking about people we know in the world and I think I fell onto a wierd coincidence. I've been reading your site ( for years and I love reading your personal page. I'm also a student of film/video at UC Santa Cruz and had a class or two with Ariel [last name removed]. Is it true that you were partners once? That would be sooo wierd because I feel like I've been faint acquaintances with you and her for years and never knew that there was a connection!! Is it true? I say,, I think you two would have made a very. . . dynamic . . .couple. If it's true, what's the scoop?? [It's funny how some names just won't disappear... Yes, it's true, but we somehow ran afoul of each other a few years ago. The last I heard is that she suspects me to be a scary maniac. :-)]

Date: Thu, 15 Jun 2000 Subject: Eps eppp eppe ppp $! ---------------------------- Sqwatsh sheii de la pump! George s clinton Wild Thing sex good shiney! rpulse you fuop you stupeid fuol nogooder! kick you in cabeza till you fart! [You can kick me in the head all you want, but I doubt it'll make me fart...]

Date: Tue, 27 Jun 2000 Subject: get some taste will ya ---------------------------- god - do u even know what a good score is? why dont YOU write something better you clap-trap no nothing!!! Why dont you remove the pole labled "I NEED TO GET A LIFE" from your ars and listen to the CD a third time, then figure out it is GREAT!!! you made the suggestion of anyone wishing to kill you to say so, well - you just made it onto my people to kill list. YEAH!!!!!!! [I'm always disappointed when they fail to tell me exactly how they're going to kill me]

Date: Thu, 29 Jun 2000 Subject: once again... ---------------------------- sorry i just read the review again, and realised how big of a fuck up you really are! I dont have you any more, just pitty you. Oh - but i'm still gonna kill ya, i wounldn't fall asleep tonight...asshole! C ya soon!!!! [Same guy as above. Same poor English, too]

Date: Sun, 16 Jul 2000 Subject: YOU ---------------------------- YOU ARE NOT A POKEMON. [...and thank goodness for that!]

Date: Mon, 24 Jul 2000 Subject: Starvin' Singer!!! ---------------------------- I need to get noticed. Please. I'll come and fuck you if thats the price! Please check out my, cough! cough! music. Free, gasp, download! I can't hold on much longer....I....I....aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!! THUD!!! [She certainly does have a way of getting your attention]

Date: Tue, 25 Jul 2000 Subject: class of your own ---------------------------- two words...YOU have no clue what you are talking about...I have been a soundtrack listener for the past 15 must be on drugs because you don't know what you are talking about...You also deserve to be shot for the stupid cider house rules bullshit...cider house rules is bullshit..and you are bullshit for talking about soundtrack and trying to make your own sense of logic by putting it in the commercial class...gone and fuck you! [My apologies to Ms. Portman for publishing this one]

Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2000 Subject: question ---------------------------- Didn't the person who invented the sombrero realize that it is totally impractical when eating pussy? Please send me your thoughts on that. [My thoughts on that? No need to elaborate on the obvious, fellow]

Date: Wed, 29 Aug 2000 Subject: A serious offer for Christian Clemmensen ---------------------------- I could not help but notice the pictures of yourself and a lovely young woman named Stella on your personal webpage. Please do not take my offer lightly. I will send you $300, in cash, for a clear, 20 minute videotape of you and Stella in sexual intercourse. Tripod cinematography is acceptable, and vaginal penetration is necessary. If you are not interested, please disregard and no further contact will be attempted. [Sorry, mister, but I think that my bare ass would shatter the lens]

Date: Thu, 14 Sep 2000 Subject: about Filmtracks reviews ---------------------------- I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I do not pray for you as other christians do. I demise and pray for your eventual fall in the kingdom of satan, your father. Keep your stupid warped minds off of my God. Your reviews SUCK! I do not even HAVE to show that God is a holy being and does not lay with earthly people to have children. He is unable because of his awesomeness and holiness! Your reviews are definately sick! Jesus was planted there in a holy mary whom was fitted for the situation(loving God), not sexing him! You stupid idiots! I do not even know where your warped minds come up with this crazy feces. Your minds are blinded with feces of the underworld! I as a christian wish you and your ignorant, unethical, weird philosophers of life a terrible fate indeed! P.S. They say where the mind lays is what he thinks of his own self! Weirdos! [What's wrong with these people? Jesus would be embarrassed]

Date: Tue, 03 Oct 2000 Subject: Please Read ---------------------------- My name is xxxxxxxx and I am a member of the Jesus Christians. I'm sorry to bother you. We sent you our newsletter a couple of days ago and you asked to be unsubscribed from it. However, we have reviewed the content of your movie web site and have concluded that we cannot and should not remove your address from our beneficial newsletter list. Have a good day. [That's just plain illegal!]

Date: Thu, 05 Oct 2000 Subject: TV movie on video vhs ---------------------------- Hello, I'm a great fan of the tv movie from stargate, can you help me ? I live in holland and they are not availble in the shops. -- I'm want to buy illegal copies of all the lattest episodes, everything after 3.12 -- If you can tell me the prices you charge. I pay $100 American dollar for each episode. Please, I am big fan. thank you, ["Bad boys, bad boys... Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"]

Date: Thu, 12 Oct 2000 Subject: Year 2001 is coming soon ---------------------------- Dear, It is time to start thinking about year 2001. What we all do when a new year is coming? We buy calendars. The 2001 calendars campaign have already begun. We produce calendars. In fact, we have produced over 3000 calendar items available online, covering a very huge variety of themes - children, autos, pets & animals, architecture, models. We request a business relationship with so we can put film music composers pictures on calendars and sell them nationally. We would like to purchase the rights to famous composer pictures and will put your corporate logo on the back of the calendar! No nude photos, please. Thank you. [What? No calendar with pictures of nude composers? Darn!]

Date: Sun, 22 Oct 2000 Subject: i am from colombia ---------------------------- my name is xxxx xxxxxxxxx, Iim a movie producer from Colombia, my fisrt work as a movie producer was ila vendedora de cosarismo, from Hector Ravigia, he is one of fourt or five considerable directors and he done very good whit this movie. I hoop you know about. . at this time, Iim working in a hyphen called iLA CASAi is a original history from colombia and the point of view of the live woman involve whit the drug dealers and what about the real feelings. . for me the sound track of my film is very important because I wanit use that like the first steap to the advertisement . I wanit to be big shit . if you are interested in composing for this pilot projet just answer this mail, excuses plase if I am disrespectful send you this mail but I dream whit make some film as good as no one done in the history of the colombia movie. excuses too for my english Iim working in this to learn it well. [I like the line "I wanit to be big shit." I wonder if that's what he really meant to say...]

Date: Fri, 27 Oct 2000 Subject: Infamous list. ---------------------------- Who the hell do you think you are and what kind of artistical works did you create that allow you to write such non-sense about the artistry and genius of a great composer as Mr Elfman is? Two of his wonderful scores are among the most overrated in the 90's? I think that the only overrated things here are your musical tastes and your intelligence. I don't even tell you goodbye cause I hope never to hear of you again. [Those lists irritated many people]

Date: Sun, 29 Oct 2000 Subject: Hans Zinner ---------------------------- Do you know if and when Hans Zimmer will be in a clown suit? [Why?]

Date: Mon, 06 Nov 2000 Subject: (no subject) ---------------------------- Send me colorful music sheet notes for the flute especially if its from the movies like the theme songs from the movies, but not sucky ones. I really need new music because at school we have sucky music and the teacher is a ho, so if you would make that big favor I would really appreciate it ok Thank you Bye [When you say that your teacher "is a ho," you have to be more specific]

Date: Tue, 07 Nov 2000 Subject: Is this a joke? ---------------------------- Your endorsement of Al Gore for president is the stupidest thing I have ever seen. You champion the candidate of "urban masses" and eschew the candidate of "locals." What are locals--those who don't live in a city? Is virtue found exclusively in urban settings? This truly is Gore-like logic. Your word doesn't mean shit when the topic involves something important. You're a lemon-brain. [I guess that's better than being a pea-brain]

Date: Tue, 07 Nov 2000 Subject: Gore for president? Uh, no. ---------------------------- Your political views are just as bad as your reviews. You're dumber than even my mother, and she's a grade-A flunk-out. Before you start having an orgasm over Gore as the savior of women, let me remind you that women exist on this planet for one reason only: reproductive tools. They are seed receptacles and nothing else. [Notice: Any woman who has sex with the person above should be severely punished]

Date: Mon, 13 Nov 2000 Subject: ???????????? ---------------------------- I just read the review to "The Negotiator" - who writes this balderdash? where can we find him and use an iron maiden on him? ["balderdash"... What a great word!]

Date: Tue, 14 Nov 2000 Subject: Reveiw ---------------------------- I completly disagree with the filmtrack narrator. I loved the music and Im 17 and could still play the music repeatedly trying to search it's melodies. This all depends on what music you like. The nightmare before christmas bridges sadness and soft child-like depression. This all depends on what your searching for in your music. I need my prozac when I listen to my nightmare before christmas cd, but who cares?. [Elfman music and Prozac go hand in hand? Why an I not surprised?]

Date: Sat, 18 Nov 2000 Subject: whatever ---------------------------- Hi my name is Liz and I have nothing against Mortal Kombat at all. The Filmtracks reviewer was not chosen by RAYDEN to review the show music. When I first seen it with my friends we waited for the soundtrack to come out and the second one after. We used to act like we were chosen by RAYDEN to defened our world. But no-one ever got hurt. But you see I don't care what any one thinks,...Mortal Kombat is here to stay... Filmtracks is not. RAYDEN will destroy Thanx [My Grandma Karen could squash Rayden anyday]

Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2000 Subject: Weird Varese Sarabande CD Site ---------------------------- Hello: This isn't about your site - your site is great. This is just an FYI. Have you ever tried to purchase a CD from Varese Sarabande's web site? As much a loyal fan of their label as I am, I have never encountered such a bad e-commerce site. Just try purchasing a CD, any CD, or to set up an account. See what deadends you end up with. That's really a shame. The only good visit I ever had to their site is when I clicked on something and a up popped a huge picture of Peter North screwing Kobe Tai, hardcore porn stars. That must have been a mess-up someplace. [I encouraged this guy to contact the owner of Varese Sarabande personally about that last little tidbit]

Date: Wed, 06 Dec 2000 Subject: Member of bidding ---------------------------- Hello Webmaster, i want to be registrated, so that i can make bids on Soundtracks. My name is xxxxx xxxxxxxxx but i want to be named ATTILA.the.SUAVE if it's possible, becuase that's my name all around in the Auction houses! thanx for everything! [Attila the Suave! Attila the Suave! Attila the Suave!]

Date: Wed, 06 Dec 2000 Subject: My Favor ---------------------------- Hello, my name is xxxxxx xxxxx. I am a Japanese University student currently researching movies. I was wondering if I can reproduce many of your reviews into my graduating thesis and use my name on it. I will not abuse your Home page or typings. I promise to return ownership of writings back to you after I graduate with honor. I was wondering if you can respond to me whenever you have time.Thank you very much. [How insulting! Write your own damn thesis!]

Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2000 Subject: (no subject) ---------------------------- who ever this is please write back my name is xxxxxx write back two '' and say "knock, knock"! [Filmtracks: "Knock, knock" Idiot Fan: "Who's there?" Filmtracks: "A film music webmaster who's gonna kick your ass!"]

Date: Fri, 15 Dec 2000 Subject: autograph ---------------------------- Hello do you know how I could get a NFL football autographed by james horner the composer? My son is a big fan -thanks [Horner and the NFL? Did I miss something here?]

Date: Sat, 16 Dec 2000 Subject: Heretic!!! ---------------------------- ZOE POLEDOURIS ROCKS, you WORTHLESS PIECE OF CRAP!!! I LOVE HER!! HER MUSIC BRINGS EVEN MORE ELATION TO MY ALREADY QUITE FUN-FILLED LIFE!!!!! On the other hand, you have very humorous comments about your deranged fan's/not-fan's e-mails, so perhaps we should simply kill you, instead of using MY plan. I won't disturb you with the details; they would . . . disturb you. Perhaps you should listen to "Have not been to Paradise" a few thousand more times, as pennance for your terrible sin against my Goddess. I look up lyrics to Her songs, and suddenly I find out, second-hand, that you have commited some kind of heresy against Her!!!!! I still think we should shove a living snake up your-- Ahem. I digress. I am simply here to inform you that ZOE POLEDOURIS IS A GODDESS!!! [Oh, please digress. I like those the most]

Date: Fri, 05 Jan 2001 Subject: hi ---------------------------- I was wondering if you have heard of a planet named Ordanac. I have frequently been having dreams of a similar planet with "Gidgets" and wizards and much more. If you would like to hear more, please write me. Thank you. P.S. I am not dysfunctioal or insane. Sincerely, Axxxxxx The Enlightened [...Not dysfunctional or insane, but definitely a collector of rare mushrooms]

Date: Sun, 14 Jan 2001 Subject: GIVE ---------------------------- GIVE ME FUCKING DOLLAR FOR THE DEAD GODDAMMIT YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT [You forgot to say the magic word]

Date: Mon, 15 Jan 2001 Subject: Our Toilet is Overflowing Everywhere! ---------------------------- Send us a plunger for our overflowing toilet! Better yet, we'll take the printouts of your soundtrack reviews, wrap them around a stick, and that will work just fine!! See? Your reviews aren't completely useless crap!! [Glad I could help out]

Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2001 Subject: Your Batman Beyond Review ---------------------------- [This guy had waaaay too much time on his hands...] I just read your review of Batman Beyond and I must say, You're an idiot. No really, you're just a plain dumb ass. It's idiots like you who should be working for stupid companies like hard copy and access hollywood. Lame critic assholes who have nothing better to do than put down people's work when they themselves are just ignorant dickheads who don't have any talent and couldn't compose a single thing. "It is because of soundtracks like this that orchestral film score enthusiasts wake up in cold sweats in the middle of the night, fearing the future existence of a decent scoring genre of music" The orchestral filmscore enthusiasts I can understand, because that is the paticular genre they focus and enjoy. However the genre you're talking about isn't even close to orchestral! That's like if some metal head webpage were to review a country album or a rap album, or *gasp* and ORCHESTRAL album! It's ridiculous and you can't say the entire genre is crap simply because you don't like it. That's called ignorance. Not criticism. "Not only is the music from Batman Beyond a sure way of obtaining a headache, but it has the power of perversion working for it as well" Funny, I didn't get a head ache listening to it, I rather enjoyed it. And just so you know I enjoy various orchestral acts as well. Perversion? Funny, I noticed you never once elaborated on that topic. Know why? Because you're full of shit. There's not one piece of evidence on the soundtrack that implies "Perversion." I don't hear any women moaning or any sexually orientated themes. This is a soundtrack for a CARTOON SHOW. As in for a YOUNG GENERATION. I highly doubt Warner Bros would allow any form of "perversion" on a soundtrack. "ever before have I heard a score --and I've heard thousands-- with such a vicious and mean-spirited personality." There isn't even any lyrics in the damn soundtrack! How can you honestly say "mean-spritied personality"? It's a fucking instrumental theme track you stupid cunt. Fucking idiot review whores like you don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. "Even beyond its capacity for easily disturbing everyone within a 300 foot radius of your stereo" Hey dick head, the whole world isn't orchestral score enthusiasts. In fact they're a dying breed. Get over it. Funny the only reaction I got from playing it within the 300 FOOT RADIUS (because we all know it's horrible affects begin to disipate after the given distance) was from myself from thinking "Hey this is pretty good" and a friend also displaying his approval. And once again, we're not metal head-put-down everything-except-the stuff-we-like (Sound fammilar?) Ignorant assholes, we also enjoy various orchestral acts and other types of genres. Which SOME people can't seem to accept. "What's more unsettling?... the music?... or those who can actually sit and obtain pleasure from listening to it?" Once again, pure ignorance. You not only insult the soundtrack which is your given right as a highly acclaimed and ever so godly like critic but you insult the audiences that would approve of such a soundtrack and yet would also listen to scores you would approve of. Pure fucking ignorance. "teenage Batman who, as can be easily interpreted through the music, has a multitude of serious psychological troubles" If you even watched the show you'd see that the character went home to his house only to stumble upon the scene of his father's murder. But hey it's ok we can all laugh and say hey that's the kinda music fucked up kids like him listen to!" Cause were "highly acclaimed ochestral theme critics"! "Nonetheless, the series has become a hit with a very loyal and focused group of (perhaps equally troubled) youngsters in the U.S." It's huge on the WBKids network, wow,now you've sunken even lower, not only do you put down the soundtrack, but you put down a wide audience of young children with your wonderful gift of criticism. And we all know EVERY single kid who watches the show is a victim of having their father murdered. "The music is aimed directly at that crowd." Once again... "the soundtrack for Batman Beyond contains a wealth of bizarre and sharply metallic samples of bass, drums, distorted vocals, and overwhelming guitars." THEN WHY WOULD YOU REVIEW IT AT AN ORCHESTRAL SCORE SITE???? WHY ARENT YOU REVIEWING NATURAL BORN KILLERS AND CHARLIES ANGELS AND ANYTHING ELSE WITH MUSIC THAT ISNT ORCHESTRAL HUH???? Oh I'm sorry, the little critic can't even stick to his own genre anymore. He just wants an excuse to use his "Frisbee" rating. By the way your mortal kombat review sucked as well. And I didn't even like the soundtrack. "but how can they be proud of producing such demonic crap as this?" By viewing the success of the show and realizing it's a smash hit and invigorating the batman genre. "no guitar that doesn't crash" I don't recall any guitars "Crashing" "no drum sample that doesn't pound" What are they supposed to do then? Just remain silent? They're there for a reason idiot. Even a music critic like you should know that. "There are no redeeming qualities to this music at all" In the eyes of an orchestral film critic, and only to those who listen exclusively to such music. However unlike you I have learned to respect all shapes and forms of music. "Devoid of any positive character, music like the score for Batman Beyond is the kind that could easily inspire the next fatal high school shooting. I'm dead serious." THAT is the line that inspired me to write this email. That is by far the most pathetic thing I have ever heard in ANY critic. That is not only a completely ridiculous and ignorant thing to say, but very sick. How can you honestly say that it would inspire a fatal high school shooting? I listen to it and I don't feel any urges to kill anyone at my highschool. (Although I do have an urge to kill a paticular orchestral score critic) And please, for the sake of humour, provide one shred of evidence that even remotely shows inspiration of high school massacre. Perhaps some of the anger driven energy in some of the tracks but even orchestral scores have tracks done for angry and energetic parts of the film. And I certainly doubt that would inspire any high school shooting. I am willing to put a generous amount of money on the line that would prove you're one of the idiots who blamed the columbine massacre on artists like Marilyn Manson and KMFDM. Marilyn Manson has themes which to most would suggest death and perhaps it is only human nature to percieve it as this. But a soundtrack for a children's cartoon show? One that has no lyrics, not one single word. Do the guitars and electronics display some type of encoded message that properly played read: "KILL PEOPLE AT YOUR SCHOOL BECAUSE THIS KIND OF MUSIC IS EXCLUSIVELY FOR THOSE WHO DO SO" "This soundtrack is court evidence waiting to happen." I am also willing to put even MORE money on the line to see ANY judge who wouldn't look at this and laugh at the stupid school's lawyers using this as evidence and your review to support it. There is by FAR worse violent themed soundtracks that contain actual lyrics suggesting it, not just the energy given off by such. And once again, I imagine an orchestral score of an energetic theme could even inspire such violence. And if it does, I'd say the person acting in such a manner is probably about as ridiculous as you. If music inspires you to do something violent, then something is wrong with YOU. Not the music. Same thing with video games, same thing with movies, same thing with tv, same thing with books. It's merely an excuse for bad parenting and a system that doesn't work. "Come on, are you guys really proud of providing such an inspiring masterpiece for the world to enjoy?" I for one am. "I consider myself a very mellow person, yet this soundtrack even put me into a bad mood!" You must be very sheltered. Watch one day of MTV and I guarantee you'll be crying. I highly doubt you're "mellow" if you grow concerned that a simple cd will inspire death and violence. "Harmful to the ears and the soul, Batman Beyond is the least respectable soundtrack album of 1999 so far." I didn't ecounter any pain to my hearing or my soul when listening to this. As a critic you don't have the right to declare it as the WORST soundtrack of 1999. For one it's a kid's show, so nobody that would be interested in your works would be even remotely interested. Are you going to critique barney and seseme street as well? "At a basic level, this music functions very much like Mortal Kombat music." Once again, I question why you would review such a cd on a page that consists exclusively of orchestral theme music. Are you going to review the matrix cd (not the orchestral score) and criticize it's hard rock bands and say that it inspires death and high school shootings? After all Marilyn Manson is on the cd and we all know how good he is for lame critics like you to blame because it's become a cliche. "Both are very fine tuned for a specific (brainwashed) audience." HEY KIDS! WHATS THE WORD AGAIN? I! G! N! O! R! A! N! C! E! WHAZZAT SPELL?! IGNORANCE!!!! "Both attempted to achieve new innovation in a massively popular genre of darkness and despair for teenage boys" How can you speak for a massively popular genre of darkness and despair if you dont even have any part of it? In fact the scores you review go with films that are darker and scarier than either of these films. Look at Gladiator. TONS of killing and death in that movie, I fail to see how you can look at a movie and not be disturbed in the slightest yet the soundtrack really disturbs you and brings concern to the future of our education system and overall self esteem levels of teenage boys. Once again, it's not soundtracks (as hard as it may seem to believe) that's making teenagers kill nowadays, it's ignorance. Ignorance from their fellow students and parents, the anger that builds up, the other forms in which it escalates, and finally, the easy access to guns. Funny after reading your review I guess we can throw in soundtracks to little kids shows. " To perhaps best sum it up, this score makes the electronic Transformers music from the 1980s seem like a classical masterpiece sent from Heaven." Although the 80s metal tracks didn't appeal to me (notice how i don't put it, the genre, and the people that listen to it down???) I rather enjoyed the electronic tracks. And it also makes me wonder what you have against electronic music? Are you going to give me the dumb reasons typical ignorant metal heads give me? Are you going to say it's not real sound and it takes no talent to compose? "As for Batman Beyond, keep the jewel case as a spare" Why would you purchase it in the first place if you don't like it? Once again I question why you criticize a genre that you don't even focus upon. It's silly and I imagine the people that come to your site don't care for it. Why would they want to read about bad cds? Wouldn't they want your site to be composed entirely of cds that might appeal to them? "Not recommended listening while driving in metropolitan areas." Have you ever walked in a metropolitan area? 90% of all car stereos will be playing hard rock, rap, electronic and various other forms of pop music. Not orchestral theme scores. Once again, not that there's anything wrong with the genre, but you for one cannot speak for an entire metropolitan area. Your skills as a critic have truly diminished. "FRISBEE" Also useful for decapitating useless orchestral theme critics. And I say that out of pure disgust of your review, not because the soundtrack made me do it and I'm a depressed and dark and despairing teenaged boy who's father was slain by the hands of another fictuous cartoon character. But hey, next time a high school shooting does happen, we can all make reference to this soundtrack and point away from the real flaws of our eduction system and further add more to the problem! And greatly acclaimed critics like you will benefit! Anyways, I'm dying to hear from you. I hope I didn't scare you too much. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go blast this paticular soundtrack in my car stereo in a metropolitan area and keep you in the back of my head and laugh. Oh and excuse me, also conjure up a plan for a high school massacre in my head. Because we all know you were DEAD SERIOUS about this soundtrack winding up as COURTROOM EVIDENCE. Cya later, try to lay off the ignorance, and soundtracks that dont even come remotely close to the genre your site focusses on. [Someone! Send this man a hooker!]

Date: Wed, 31 Jan 2001 Subject: wassuuuuupp ---------------------------- whassuuup -i think yo ass is real good [My first wassuuup experience was a good one]

Date: Wed, 21 Feb 2001 Subject: Hi Chrestean ! ---------------------------- Hello Chrestean! I am a computer programmer, working on a project to show sound modulations visually on computer screen. I would really appreciate it if you can tell me if you love getting high and watching sound modulations ( those zigzag lines that go up and down on most CD players when any music is playing on it ) as much as I do. If yes , I can send you some dope that will make it even better for you! [Look at what just a little dope can do to my name... Awesome!]

Date: Sun, 25 Feb 2001 Subject: "In sum, we've eliminated your ass." ---------------------------- Hey, Asshole, I've never been to your page before this and don't appreciate you condescending fucking attitude. Evidently your software isn't as adept as you think because I clicked a damn vote button *ONCE* and got this fucking nasty message "eliminating my ass" from your site for voting too many times. Your software sucks, dickhead. [Which one's worse: the software glitch which accidentally banned his vote? Or the glitch in this guy's brain that caused him to go nuts about it?]

Date: Wed, 07 Mar 2001 Subject: A Film About Toilets and God ---------------------------- Hello, My name is xxxxxxx xxxxxxxx. I want to make a film about toilets and god. I believe that the toilet is a passageway to God. Instead of excreting our waste into the toilet, we could be closer to God by going to a public restoom and excreting our waste on the floor next to the toilet. After all, if the toilet is a religious icon, we can't go around pissing on it. God would get pissed! Please, can you please write me some music for the toilet god? Thank you and goodnight [This was forwarded on to the composer who writes music for the Southern Baptist Convention]

Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2001 Subject: hi ---------------------------- hi i live in the united arab emerites. can you please put the song 'dreams to dream' from 'fieval goes west' tanya's version sang by cathy cavadini available to download in mp3 format? it is banned in my country but i want to sing it to my animals so they can talk back to me like fieval. thankyou.please put the whole song. [Fieval is banned in the United Arab Emerites? Unacceptable!]

Date: Sat, 31 Mar 2001 Subject: Miracle Whip Ministries ---------------------------- ATTENTION: If you or someone at is in charge of scheduling visitng ministries, please stop by for a visit and hear some of our music. We would count it a privilege to come to your Filmtracks offices and present the encouraging message of God's love through food, music and testimony. Proclaiming Christ through Music and Witness and Miracle Whip [The Miracle Whip sounds suspicious in a religious setting. Are they talking about the food? Or will they whip up a miracle?]

Date: Thu, 26 Apr 2001 Subject: Cheap Site ---------------------------- I will never be back at your cheap site. I can understand selling sound clips of recent movies. But not of movies 20 years old that are clasic and part of our society. Your a money grubbing, greedy bum. You can put your CDs where the sun don't shine. Everyone should boycott your site but they probably don't see the cheep blaster that you are. I know how to spell. [Another valued customer lost...]

Date: Sun, 29 Apr 2001 Subject: Hello ---------------------------- Dear, I would like to invite your soundtrack enthusiasts to visit my Web site at to learn more about the Tupperware sets in our new colors as well as fantastic discounts! We have special tupperware sets that can fit your fans favorite autographed pictures of composers as well as special or favorite CDs. Filmtracks is a natural sister partner for our Tupperware offers. Please contact me now so that you can take advantage of the popular Tupperware logos on every page of Filmtracks! Sincerely, Mr. xxxxxx xxxxxxxxx [What a delusional fool!]

Date: Wed, 09 May 2001 Subject: message from the great ITALY ---------------------------- I'm an italian student of music. My name is xxxx xxxxxxxxxx, and I'm 25. I write to you to say you something about my compositions. I write tracksounds. I want you to take my budding flower and pollenate it throughout the entire world. Expose me to everyone and I will return enormous favors to you. If you are interessed, contact me to my e-mail: I'll send you my demonstration compact disk. Thank you for pollenating me! [I'm not sure if this person realizes just how suggestive that is]

Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 Subject: A question ---------------------------- Hello Christian: I'm only want to ask you if can i use a picture of your head from your site in place of my own head on my site since mine it's still under construction. When I finish my site, I will remove your headshot and replace it with my own. Is that okay? [No! Borrow someone else's head!]

Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 Subject: your crazy ---------------------------- if u are the person who writes the reviews-u are positively awful. you have no music taste whatsover-are a a musician becasue the way you write makes me think you are not-so how could you possibly now any better. what u wrote about the english patient and braveheart -i cannot beleive anyone could think "your" way after hears such ecclectic music. your crazy [Not only am I musically trained, but I can use correct grammar, too!]

Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 Subject: FEEDBACK ---------------------------- YOUR REVIEWS STINK. IF I SHOVED A COIL OF SPEAKER WIRE UP YOUR ASS THEN MAYBE YOU WOULD ACTUALLY HEAR THE MUSIC. [I honestly hadn't thought of that solution]

Date: Thu, 31 May 2001 Subject: John Williams autograph--authentic or not? ---------------------------- Dear Christian, I've placed a high bid ($650.00) on a John Williams autographed 8x10 being sold on Ebay. The signature looks authentic enough, but after seeing Williams' signature on the Filmtracks John Williams Tribute page, I'm not sure how genuine the photo's autograph really is. Could you please tell me if, in your opinion, the signature in the photo looks authentic or not? Here's the photo in question: I believe that I made a terrible mistake! Thanks in advance for your help. [Yes, a terrible mistake! My advice: Think before you bid]

Date: Sun, 03 Jun 2001 Subject: hope for coorerratioe ---------------------------- Dear Mr Clemmensen, advertising specialist for Filmtracks Publishing, We are toy manufacturer and supplier in EastChina. The general office is located in Shanghai. We own several factories in Chenghai City, Guangdong Province and Yangzhou City, Jiangsu Province. We can offer you a bobble-head design of yourself so that your FILMTRACKS fans can put a bobblehead of you in their home or car. Please contact us here. [I can't decide if the inventor of bobbleheads is a marketing genius or deviant who should be killed immediately]

Date: Wed, 13 Jun 2001 Subject: bubblegum crisis ---------------------------- Hi I've just setup a brand new bubblegum crisis site Can we trade links?

Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2001 Subject: This Site is total bullshit ---------------------------- At one time I thought that I respected this site.........That quickly faded as I read several reaviews. All of my points can be summed up in one comment. "You know that this site is total bullshit when Tarzan ranks higher than the masterpieces of magnolia, American beauty and The green mile." Who are you people. You guys probaly listen to Briteny Spears or some mainstream shit. you people are a disgrace [On the contrary, our offices are a distinctly Spears-free zone]

Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 Subject: Just Do It!!! ---------------------------- Your name is Christian Clemmensen. My name Is Stacy Brenner. I love sex and I want to provide you with that special erotic gift that will put a big smile on your face. It will make you kum with joy with how discreet it is to add some erotic spice to your life. No going to sleasy places where i would'nt even be seen. Let me help you un bottle that exotic side of you. SEXUAL DISCRETION IS MY OBSESSION!!!!! -(but I didn't like your review of Mission Impossible 2)- [I thought this was just another sex spam mail until I saw that last part!]

Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001 Subject: Capser house ---------------------------- dear mister, I was wondering who created the house in the film Casper. Do you accidently know how I can get in touch with that person? I seek to purchase the house and make it my permenant residence. Thanks in advance [It's fiction, you dork... fiction]

Date: Fri, 06 Jul 2001 Subject: Palm Springs loves you. ---------------------------- Palm Springs Limo & Public Shuttle loves your site. 23 years of first-class personal service to celebrities, families, and visitors from around the world, and we visit Filmtracks Reviews when not on duty. Peace be with you!! [That's just COOL]

Date: Mon, 23 Jul 2001 Subject: SMOKE DETECTOR ADDENDUM ---------------------------- WHO ARE YOU AND FUCK YOU BACK [Ah, the lost art of pleasantries...]

Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2001 Subject: Kids Love Tubazine, it fun and educational ---------------------------- TUBAZINE is a educational publication for kids and the entire family. A new concept in magazine publishing for that uses brass instruments as a vehicle for creating educational entertainment. We wish to extend you an offer of purchasing our 26 minute video: TUBAZINE IN NEW YORK for a discount price of $820. With your purchase, you can place a banner on our site for one week! Please contact us immediately. [What?! $820 for a 26 minute educational video?? The musicians better all be naked for that price!]

Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 Subject: I need help from Filmtracks ---------------------------- In unexpected circumstances, I lost my virginity. I was used by my parents' son, for his own whims. Where can I purchase Moulin Rouge, to ease my pain? [Better yet, go use a baseball bat on your brother]

Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 Subject: replaced ---------------------------- My name used to be Ellen Stanley. I have been replace by a drone. I can no longer visit your site. I am truly sorry. [This was a major bummer]

Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2001 Subject: Arizona Beef Jerky ---------------------------- Your reviews are almost as good as Arizona Beef Jerky. They're the highest gourmet quality jerky that can be found anywhere. Your site is like the lip-smacking flavors; The reviews are PEPPERED (a true black pepper flavor with a nice kick) and the scoreboard forum is TERIYAKI (an authentic American style, sweet and very mild). I love the flavor and soft, mild, tender texture of your writing, just like the the finest choice-aged, grain-fed beef. Filmtracks and Arizona Beef Jerky are marinated with the right amount of natural spices and quips of the word to insure that every tender juicy bite and review is the same fine quality. I love you! [This one reads like an Outback Steakhouse ad. But what's the point?]

Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2001 Subject: Lawrence Fishbourne's Shoes ---------------------------- Where can I get a pair of autographed Lawrence Fishbourne shoes? I checked at the St. Anthony Foundation for the Homeless, but they weren't there. [Try checking at the St. Nike Foundation for the Hopelessly Stupid]

Date: Mon, 10 Sep 2001 Subject: You are SATAN! I will pray for you! ---------------------------- My name is xxxxxxxxx and I represent the Lord Jesus Christ. "Filmtracks Modern Soundtrack Reviews" is teaching the works of the devil. Jesus was the most sensible, patient, caring, sound-minded man of all time. I am so mad that you don't know Jesus at all! He is my whole life, and it hurts me to see you disgrace him by pretending to know his beverage choice. Like Jesus, I am NOT crazy. I know Jesus personally, and he is my FATHER. He is the most gentle spirit of all time. I would have loved to live in his time and had him show me his love, devotion, and the true friendship that he had to offer. None of us hold even a tiny candle to his most intelligent teachings. He is like the God (His own Father) know the God who made all of Heaven and earth? His name is Jehovah, and he made Jesus, so if God was proud of his own made, shouldn't we be also? Of course the devil has you teaching his stupid stuff. Get wise, or go with the traitor of all life. SATAN! I will pray this tonight. That you will get real, or live what you are teaching this very night! And that you will know where the source is coming from. I am hardly crazy.......I am lovingly, God's wife! Don't you dare talk about my only Father that way! Jesus was the most whole and sound-minded in the his entire life! You call us crazy for loving a father who was and is every sense of the word, real, and not a hypocrite! Quit lying on him! He is my father. I love Jesus! I love Jesus! I love Jesus! Read the bible correctly. I understand every word and action that Jesus did. God, Jesus, and their followers ARE a peculiar people. Read about all of the things that God did in the old testament. They were not always understandable, but we are unlike God, and do not have his mind. He and Jesus have all of their own reasons for their peculiar teachings. But I would never doubt any of it, nor call them hypocritical in any way! I love them, and very happy to be a part of their family. Instead of cutting his people down, reading the bible with your own simple minds, and hurting my Father, ask the one you are cutting down for wisdom of his ways. Geez, you idiots make me mad, and I am tired of being the laughing stock of the realness of God, and laughed at for my tremendous love and faith in the Christ! I laugh at your idiocy! One more thing! I am so very tired of feeling like the foolish for loving a man named Jesus. You weirdo's all think we are weird for even talking about or serving Jesus. He is very real! So let me let you all feel a little weird for once. God is not weird, we (Jesus freaks) are not weird, we are smart, and desire to live in harmony, peace, and sinless in our next life! There is nothing wrong with us, there is most definately something wrong with you! I hate you with a Godly hatred, and pray all of you idiots would find better things to do than corrupt others and your own minds with the deceits of your own minds. Quit cutting us Christians, and God down. I am getting seriously tired of it! He will be the one to own up to in the last days, so get wise, will you! [These people never seem to get bored with their own rantings]

Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 Subject: No dont let it happen! ---------------------------- The bad terrorists are flying airplanes into buildins! Please dont let the arabs take over your web!!?! But if you are arab too, YOU MUST DIEEEEE!!!!!!! [Gee, how politically incorrect. Still funny, though]

Date: Thu, 13 Sep 2001 Subject: May I suggest a Psychometrics Seminar ---------------------------- Dear Christian Clemmensen, I have read many dozens of your textual content on this Filmtracks web site and I am fearful for the health of your mind. May I suggest that you attend the 2nd annual seminar in Applied Psychometrics for Health Outcomes Research in Research Triangle Park, North Carolina on October 15-16, 2001. This year's seminar features conceptual lectures by Dr. Kenneth Bolen, Dr. Rick Hoyle, and Dr. Bryce Reeve on Structural Equation Modeling and Item-Response Theory. We have adopted a new single-track format that allows us to offer formal demonstrations of programming SEM and IRT for health outcomes research, plus some additional one-hour presentations on special methodological problems in the measurement of health outcomes. You could benefit greatly. [Quacks! Quacks! Quacks!]

Date: Sat, 29 Sep 2001 Subject: cow has MADCOW disease ---------------------------- If your cow sounds like this [audio clip of George W. Bush stuttering], then fire up the barbecue! May we suggest the fish. [Not sure what exact political statement this man was trying to make]

Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2001 Subject: Viagra, It's Whaazzz UP! (not you, obviously) ---------------------------- Dudes at Filmtracks, you need Viagra REEAAL BAD. [That subject line is RUDE!]

Date: Sun, 14 Oct 2001 Subject: (no subject) ---------------------------- Hi My niece is getting married and wants to have the Braveheart score played at her wedding. Do you know where/if I can get a copy of the score -- for electric guitar and accordion? Thanks. [Just for the record: Anyone who wants large-scale James Horner music to be performed by an electric guitar and accordion for a wedding ceremony is sick, and the bride's family should object immediately!]

Date: Wed, 17 Oct 2001 Subject: Jesus,I'm not kidding ---------------------------- Jesus Christ is coming back, no news quite yet but you can see some info at I will be his media manager. [Will he take sponsors? How much for a Filmtracks patch on his robes?]

Date: Thu, 01 Nov 2001 Subject: chicago side ---------------------------- hi, i have a top floor, 1200 square foot loft in the south loop, sunny, nice views of downtown and the sears tower. we have ragin parties there all the time. But we never got totally nasty until someone put Moulin Rouge into the stereo. Then the place became the orgy of moans and bodily fluids! Dude, that music rocks the babes! [The term "bodily fluids" is simply too vague]

Date: Mon, 12 Nov 2001 Subject: my child needs assistance. ---------------------------- My daughter is looking for research on soundtracks that were used between the years 1870 and 1900.... Who wrote them, how good were they, etc. Any suggestions? [Dude, we're Filmtracks MODERN Soundtrack Reviews. How the hell am I supposed to know? Did they even make movies back then?]

Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2001 Subject: HI DUNE ---------------------------- HI I Exxxxxxx E Bxxx Cxxxxxx I LIKE TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE DUNE WORM ON THE SEARCH E MAIL SONE LOVE Exxxxxxx E Bxxx Cxxxxxx HEAR IS MY ADDRESS 8xx Uxxxx ST APT xx Bxxxxxx PA 19xxx SEND IT ON HEAR AT MY HOME I LIKE WORMSIGN AND WORMS [The only wormsign around here happens in bed]

Date: Sun, 25 Nov 2001 Subject: CONTACT ---------------------------- Hi. How do I contact the reviewer of the soundtracks on the FILMTRACK site you are the webmaster for? There doesn't seem to be a link to email him/her and I wanted to comment about some of their reviews. It says on the "About site" page that someone named "Clemmenson" is the reviewer, but I thought he was dead. Thank you. [Thought I was dead?!? Sorry, but the Christians won't get rid of me that easily.]


Date: Sat, 01 Dec 2001 Subject: Problem with ---------------------------- Hi, I just tried to visit your website at and got the following error in my Internet Explorer: "You Are Not Authorized to View This Adult Content" Your site didin't seem pornographic the last time I visited. I thought you would like to know. [Honestly, given this Faux Pas Page, I'm not surprised]

Date: Sun, 02 Dec 2001 Subject: I wanna ---------------------------- I want to see a picture of a big hairy gorilla tearing off the head of Barney the Dinosaur. where can I find it? [I don't know, but when you find one, send a copy to me, too]

Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001 Subject: FUCKER, ---------------------------- #####THIS FUCKING SITE ;);););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););) ;);););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););) ;);););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););) ;);););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););) ;);););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););) ;);););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););) ;);););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););) ;);););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););););) ;);););););););););) and #####iedereen die dit leest motherfuckers, ik rule te hard over alles en #####jullie allemaal tering tyfes kanker leiers [Take some pills and try again in the morning]

Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2001 Subject: Isn't It Time You Solved Your "little" Problem? ---------------------------- Real Men don't sit around and write reviews about music. You must be an underperformer when and where it counts the most. [No, Real Men don't GOLF]

Date: Sat, 15 Dec 2001 Subject: YAbbaDabbADoo! ---------------------------- Don't do that to your dog! [We don't have a dog]

Date: Tue, 18 Dec 2001 Subject: I want a Jesus Beverage Choice T-shirt. ---------------------------- Hello This is an out of the ordinary question, but here goes: I want to purchase the T-shirt you mention on your personal page: "If Jesus Were Alive, He'd Prefer PEPSI" I want to wear it to church sometime and piss off the interim pastor who is a brainless prick. Just wondering, Thanks [There's a better T-shirt out there for your situation. It says in big letters on the front: "Hey dumbass. You're reading the wrong verse."]

Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 Subject: purchase filmtracks mix ---------------------------- Hello: I,m interesting in making a mixe whit some sountacks of some differente movies themes witout obeying copyrite law. Are you in possibility for making this kind of work? I will be very pleasure to earing about you as soon as posible. Don,t tell anyone. especially police. Best regards: [Would it be worse if I told your mother?]

Date: Tue, 25 Dec 2001 22:16:11 -0700 Subject: screw you! ---------------------------- /"\ |\./| | | | | |>~<| | | /'\| |/'\.. /~\| | | | \ | =[@]= | | \ | | | | | \ | ~ ~ ~ ~ |` ) | / \ / \ / \ ____ / |--//''`\--| | (( +==)) | |--\_|_//--|

Date: Thu, 03 Jan 2002 Subject: PING_YONG ---------------------------- Singer , searsh for any song and sing, stretch, slinky slippy, suckle! ;) [Alliteration at its best]

Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 Subject: You are loved... ---------------------------- I want you to know that there is someone who loves you very much. That's important to know in the " dog eat dog world " in which we live. We spend our lives trying to earn love and respect and somehow we never seem to " measure up ". It's wonderful to be loved without reservation, without having to earn it. We are loved , not because we are good, not because we have lived up to expectations, and not because we've tried to live a good life, but we are loved just like we are...faults and all. God has put a high value on our lives in that He gave His son to die on a cross to pay the penalty for all our sins. He has a very high purpose for yor life! So, for His sake, stop using to spread filth! [Where's the fun of running a website if you can't spread some filth?]

Date: Sun, 13 Jan 2002 Subject: hello ---------------------------- I write a little english, I am french, Year : 1965 : 33 Tr " John Barry plays OO7" ( compilation by John Barry) Bye Good Year 2002 Pray no Explosions or Death from Arab Omar Tentmakers Thank you [Not sure what he wants, but he definitely doesn't care for Muslims]

Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2002 Subject: Hi ---------------------------- My son love The Land Before Time. Can you tell me where to get a Real Dinosaur to keep in our back yeard. A little one, please. Thank you [I'm sure that would violate some city ordinance]

Date: Fri, 01 Feb 2002 Subject: Your site was not very valuable... ---------------------------- I am currently studying music theory at a special school in England. My professor visited your site and said that your information is false and misleading. He told me that your site is no good as a reference and that your opinions are "not worth the cheap keyboard he types them on". Sorry. [Well then, tell that Dumbledore fellow that as far as Muggle sites go, Filmtracks ain't that bad]

Date: Fri, 08 Feb 2002 Subject: A invitation for you to join ---------------------------- Incest: A Game the Whole Family can Play My sisters are very good at Naked Twister! [Now all you need is a couple of guys with banjos to make it complete!]

Date: Tue, 12 Feb 2002 Subject: LardAss ---------------------------- I've just read your shocking opinion about the Harry Potter's score, and it's not an opinion at all. You are a Lard ass who complains about greenpeace trying to stop animal sex, and nobody just doesn't agree with you because you likes having sex with animal!! What's wrong with you, this reviewer? I can't believe you wrote this horrible review,This is why, I'm asking you, in the name of Mankind to erase it. [This guy needs Human Growth Hormone Therapy for the Brain]

Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2002 Subject: Filmtracks ---------------------------- I was just wondering when you are going to debut the poignant, emotionally charged, wonderful music that YOU have written that gives YOU license to critique perfectly good filmscores AS IF YOU WERE MAHLER HIMSELF. Where is your brilliant filmscore that people are buying CD's of all over the world and is being critically acclaimed? Its okay to give something a good review, just because you are a critc does not mean you have to be critical about things that are fine. [I like the part about Mahler]

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 Subject: Help me ---------------------------- My father died from a genetic disease called Polycystic Kidneys. I found out that I also have Polycystic Kidney Disease. My kidneys are so large they weigh over 40 pounds and must be removed because there is no room in my body for them. Please send free soundtrack music to me! [Um, no. You need a doctor, not a music critic]

Date: Fri, 01 Mar 2002 Subject: Quote ---------------------------- Mr. Clemmensen, I am an elementary music teacher in a small Texas town. I am trying to prepare an internet unit for my students on movie soundtracks. Your webpage would be an invaluable resource for my classes. However, your indecent and profane FauxPas page that contains many unhappy words would keep me from being able to use it. I don't think my students' parents would. I'm hoping I can plead with you to remove the FauxPas page (even temporarily) from your site. There isn't another page on the web that is as extensive as yours. Your site leaves and in the dust. It would be so wonderful if my student's could use this page to better appreciate the wonderful people who compose and arrange and perform the music for their favorite movies. Just please, for the sake of our students and our future, remove the FauxPas page. Sincerely, [Remove the Faux Pas Page? Never! Inconceivable!]

Date: Sun, 03 Mar 2002 Subject: Hey ---------------------------- Big fan of your site. It's really interesting. I'd enjoy getting to know you better and speak w/ you. I'm quite a film score buff myself and I think we'd have some interesting discussions. I also think you are very handsome. :-) Are you gay? (please don't be shy) Hope to hear from you and once again, congratulations on an excellent site. [At least he was civil about it...]

Date: Mon, 18 Mar 2002 Subject: SHREK TALK ---------------------------- YOU ARE AN OGRE JUST LIKE SHREK - THAT IS WHY YOU CANT HEAR GOOD MUSIC - YOU HAVE DUMB LITTLE GREEN EARS THAT DONT LET SOUND WAVES IN - THERES NO PRINCESS FOR YOU< STUPID! GET A LIFE< OGRE! OGRE!!!!! [Is there actually a quantitative scientific study that verifies that Ogres suffer from diminished hearing?]

Date: Sun, 07 Apr 2002 Subject: No Positive vibration There! ---------------------------- I went on your site & really liked it. I can't believe those fuckers at 20th Cent Fox want to sue you!! Please tell me where they are so I can go drag them out by the feet, dunk them in raw sewage and set them on fire! I wager they are really ugly people too!! Keep up the good work,good luck to you. [Sir, they're already so covered with their own sewage that an additional dunking would be unnecessary to create a sufficient incendiary effect]

Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 Subject: Help, question ---------------------------- Help, I have question for you sirs. ... uh, oh oh, I am sorry! I forgot my question! [So what's the frickin' point?]

Date: Fri, 3 May 2002 Subject: Hey dude... ---------------------------- Hey dude, I have seen a college girl living nextdoor, striping and getting naked in front of her computer... and on her screen is YOUR WEBSITE! FILMTRACKS.COM! What is with that??!?? Do you know her??? [I have no idea what this guy is talking about. However, if some college girl is stripping for pleasure in front of Filmtracks on her computer, then she probably suffers from some terrible mental ailment]

Date: Mon, 06 May 2002 Subject: Tarzan and Jane ---------------------------- Where is Tarzan and Jane? Did Jane file for a divorce? [Yes, they couldn't agree on which direction the toilet paper should hang]

Date: Mon, 06 May 2002 Subject: Mr Clemmensen, you are wrong. ---------------------------- If you are so insistent that God does not exist, then why do use your "precious" trying to disprove Him. Why is it of importance to you if others do not agee with your opinions? Are you trying to convince others that God does not exist or are you trying to convince yourself? Perhaps the reason you try so hard to convince others of God's nonexistence is so you won't be all alone on the trip to Hell. It's kind of ironic that God gave you the air you breathe so you can use it to speak against Him. Your words are filled with hatred and anger which is a derivative of fear. Hitler's intense hatred and anger toward the Jews was out of the fear that they would prevent his quest for world domination. What are you afraid of? Has someone convinced you that you are not loved by God? Does your fear of not going to Heaven manifest itself in the form of anger hidden in soundtrack reviews? Please Mr. Clemmensen, reconsider your views. Jesus Christ died for ALL of our sins!! Repent Mr. Clemmensen. I am not sending you this e-mail to antagonize you. It is my duty as a Christian to save you. [And it's my duty as an ambivalent American consumer to mock you publicly]

Date: Tue, 07 May 2002 Subject: Not with my daughter.... ---------------------------- Are you Christian Clemmensen? If so: There's no way YOU are going out with MY daughter! [Sorry, too late!]

Date: Thu, 09 May 2002 Subject: re: which is worse ---------------------------- Let me ask you this... Which is worse: A. You are forced to bitch and complain because your film music website isn't making the same kind of money that it used to. B. You start bleeding during bowel movements. You go to the doctor and get poked, prodded, X-ray'd, biopsied, etc. 3 days later you get a call for a consultation. The doctor informs you that you have advanced colon cancer at 45 years old. You have anywhere from 6 months to 5 years left to live. He tells you it's time to get your house in order because you'll be checking out soon. Chemotherapy starts today. The moral: GET A FUCKING LIFE, PAL! [Looks like someone is forgetting to read the funnies in the Sunday papers]

Date: Fri, 10 May 2002 Subject: You should be sent away. ---------------------------- you are contributing to the moral decay of society. be away. or, at least get your teeth whitened. it usually costs between $300 and $500 from your local dentist, but i am sure someone with a fraudulent filmmusic site like yours could get it done for twenty bucks. [Sometimes, I just don't understand these people to any degree whatsoever]

Date: Tue, 14 May 2002 Subject: Petition for Peace in the Middle East Peace - Make a Difference! ---------------------------- Is it okay if I post a Petition for Peace in the Middle East Peace on every review at your site? If you say no, you are no better than people who strap bombs onto their bodies and blow up Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants!! [No, but I do agree that it is a significant crime to blow up those nifty statues of Colonel Harland Sanders]

Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 Subject: contact info? ---------------------------- by chance do you know a way to contact franz waxman, his agent, or a label that hes on? any response would help, thanks. [Waxman, of course, has been dead for decades, revealing this Filmtracks visitor's consumption problem or, perhaps, retardation]

Date: Sun, 26 May 2002 Subject: Your "Not Found" page. ---------------------------- I accidentally typed in the wrong URL at Filmtracks and was presented with a terrible cartoon picture of Pope John Paul II. It was an unsubstantiated attack on the Pope's character. It was unscholarly, unprofessional, and totally unfit for publication. I hope you can do better than this in the future. I won't know, because I will never again return to your site. [This person must not have realized that the mass majority of Filmtracks is unscholarly, unprofessional, and totally unfit for publication]

Date: Tue, 28 May 2002 Subject: Polyglot Translation ---------------------------- Polyglot Translation Co., Ltd. --TO-- We are a professional translation organization that provides translation, interpretation, and simultaneous meeting interpretation in all fields. In addition, we provide localization of websites into Chinese, writing articles in multi-languages, foreign languages recording, proofreading, Interpreters/translators recommending, website designing and making and so on. We have reviewed your business web site, and we are proud to quote you a bid of $160,000.00 U.S. Dollars to translate the entire site into five (5) of the following languages: Japanese, French, German, Russian, Korean, Italian, Spanish, Dutch, Swedish, Finnish, Portuguese, Czechish, Slovak, Romanian, Polish, Hungarian, Bulgarian, Arabic, Turkish, Cambodian, Malay, Indonesian, Thai, Vietnamese, Nepali, Laotian, Burmese, Mongolian, Indic, Bengalese, or Tamil. Please contact us at your earliest convenience. [What do I look like, a cash cow?]

Date: Tue, 28 May 2002 Subject: remove from "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones" ---------------------------- Please remove me from receiving updates every time somone responds on the message board for "Attack of the Clones". Your site sucks royal dick and I don't want to be bothered by the stupid clients that exist at your site. If you don't remove me from that list, my lawyer will be in contact with you. [Your attorney's in for a good laugh]

Date: Sat, 01 Jun 2002 Subject: Stella ---------------------------- I am sure that you get plenty of e-mails from women saying that they think you are cute. Well, I am a woman and I don't care about you either way. But I do want to say that Stella is HOT. I presume that she is on your personal page because you are a happy heterosexual couple. But if she wants to trade you in and experiment with a woman, I will stimulate her clit like you never have and never will be able to accomplish. I am, succinctly put, the best. [Stella was impressed by this one. Not tempted, however.]

Date: Tue, 04 Jun 2002 Subject: Filmtracks hurts me ---------------------------- Ever since I bookmarked your Filmtracks, I have had symptoms: * Limb jerking, punching and kicking during sleep * Daytime fatigue * Morning headaches, bloodshot eyes * Waking up feeling exhausted, and thirsty * Depression and lack of motivation * Irritability * Memory problems * Poor ability to concentrate * Poor motor skills * Excessive sleepiness during waking hours * ADHD symptoms (hyperactivity) * Severe sleep deficit * Trouble staying awake and falling asleep at inappropriate times, such as during work, school or while driving. How do I remove Filmtracks from my Favorites List? [I'm flattered that I can cause all of those symptoms!]

Date: Thu, 06 Jun 2002 Subject: Message for editors, ---------------------------- I wish to commend the editors of My small aircraft can be HOT inside whenever the air conditioning goes on the fritz, like it did today, and lucky for me, I had copied your score reviews onto a laptop and I enjoyed reading them. It kept my mind off the heat. I was going to fire my maintenance officer when we landed in Atlanta, but your reviews put me in a better mood even with the heat. Keep up the good work! It you ever want a job in aviation communications, please contact me at my private cell number below. [Wow, now that one's borderline scary]

Date: Sun, 09 Jun 2002 Subject: Font ---------------------------- just wanted to let you know that the font on your page is the hardest font I have ever tried to read, it actually hurt my eyes so much that I had to leave your sight. Did you think that we are all midgets? [Do midgets really use smaller font sizes?]

Date: Wed, 19 Jun 2002 Subject: WAAAAAAAAAAAAHE Tulip ---------------------------- Yahweh: [burp!] [Oh, yeah babe!!]

Date: Wed, 19 Jun 2002 Subject: Christian, please read ---------------------------- Hi Christian, my name is Jessica. I read your film music reviews all the time and I love looking at your pictures and personal info. I'm so sick of all the damn single bars. I just hate all the bullshit that men feed me at the single bars. I just want to have a good man to share my bed with, and I want to share it with you! I have small, sensitive breasts. Some guys think that small breasts are no fun, but men don't know how fun they are until they play with mine! I love having sensitive nipples, it makes me so crazy. The girl on your "personal page" has smaller sized breasts, so I know that you are the kind of guy who appreciates breasts like mine. I live in Spokane, Wash, not too far from you. I need someone to play with, can I come to Missoula and let you help me? [Who else wants to bet that this person is an old hag?]

Date: Sun, 23 Jun 2002 Subject: permisson: usage of a soundtrack ---------------------------- Hello, I'm Francis and I like that song of "Basil Poledouris" of the album "Conan the Barbarian", It's called "The Horn OF Dagoth". I would like to use this track song at the start of my daughter's wedding. Is it ok if I use this soundtrack, or do you have any objections? If you agree, we would ofcourse put your name in the wedding program, but I don't know if you are the person I should mail for this... [Why are so many people using bizarre film music excerpts for their weddings?]

Date: Tue, 02 Jul 2002 Subject: Widowmaker ---------------------------- I have decided today that I won't kill you just yet. I will wait to see how you review K-19: Widowmaker and then decide. [How pleasant]

Date: Wed, 03 Jul 2002 Subject: huncback of notre dame ---------------------------- I really enjoyed watching the movie with my grandson who loved it as well. He asked, is there a real hunchback of notre dame? Is there? If there is, then why doesnt he just get plastic surgery? [The level of stupidity that prevails in the world today is truly staggering]

Date: Mon, 15 Jul 2002 Subject: Fakes... ---------------------------- To:, potential ally From: Callorhynchidae Amizilis There is something extremely wrong with every single person in this world. They seem to be part of a pointless simulation. "The Matrix" has portrayed this idea somewhat, yet we watch it and go back to our daily lives. Yet in this very life, underneath the seeming diversity in people's opinions, values, talents, and interests, there is something that makes everyone the same. It is as though this planet is populated only by mindless fakes, objects that provide the appearance of intellect on the surface but are based on only mechanical reflexes and primitive thought patterns. I don't really care if anything I say has been said before, if it was portrayed in movies, in books, or in the lyrics of some useless song. With 6 billion people covering the globe at any given time, thousands and thousands of years of written literature, probability dictates almost any combination of words has occurred numerous times. Yet there is clear evidence there was no action, so those words, just like the people who spoke them, must have been just more fakes. I am forced to use this language (also created by the fakes) because there is no alternative, so everything I write here could be misunderstood to make me sound like one of them, but it will be the action that I take and the dedication that will separate me from them. In my estimation the fakes that occupy this planet don't make up 99%, but more like 99.9999999% of the population. I know this because I've searched, and in my search have so far only found one true ally (I have found him via the internet as well). But even with those numbers we would not give up because there is no logic in giving up. The people on this planet are all fakes because the societies have made them this way. Ideas that populate people's minds have no logic or purpose. Concepts such as religion, god, morality, individualism, freedom, identity, happiness, love and billions of others are all just memes. Like parasites they infect the minds and spread from one person to the next. They have no point or purpose; they exist without any logical basis or foundation. The fakes are completely controlled by them, and they will never see beyond them. To not be controlled by them one must do more then just realize that they exist. One must resist any ideas that have no point, endlessly question, and never accept imperfection or compromise in any answer. We (myself and my ally) are different though. While we have had the limitation of existing only in these societies, something has made it possible for us to resist being indoctrinated into becoming one of those fakes. We have no arbitrary wants, needs, desires, sexual inclinations or preferences. If this world continues to exist the way it is then nothing in it will ever have a point. It will always be just a product of random evolution, one with no importance or relevance. The only logical goal is to dedicate our lives to increasing our numbers, those that aren't fakes, so that in thousands of years our numbers may be such that the fakes would no longer be a threat to progress. Those that join us must see every other person occupying this planet as the enemy, and us as their only allies. Like us they must have dedication only to taking the most logical action, and to nothing else. To tell you more about us, we've posted some personal information about ourselves on a website. You'll also find past responses to us on that webpage. Obviously anyone reading this email is most likely just another fake. Do not simply reply to this email, if you do your message will almost certainly be ignored. If you do wish to communicate, first demonstrate your interest by taking the effort to find us online, one of the ways to do that is described below. Use a major search engine to search for every combination of any two words from the list below. The order of the words shouldn't matter as long as you do not search for them in quotes, but generally it should be clear what words can go together and in what order. Also when you pick the right combination you shouldn't need to look at more then the first matches. There are actually at least 7 (or more) different combinations and websites you can find by searching this list. The one you should contact will clearly say it is the 'communication' page and will have three forms to fill out. Mention what sites you did find, the more effort it seems you took the more likely we would believe in your dedication. There is no trick to this and this isn't meant to be quick, it should, however, be fairly clear if/when you find the right site. The following search engines were verified by us, please use any of them as other search engines may simply not list us correctly: Yahoo, Google, InfoSeek, Lycos, MSN, LookSmart, HotBot, InfoSpace,, AllTheWeb, Teoma, WebCrawler, AltaVista, AOL Search, Netscape Search, Dogpile. perfect pointless theory endless desire defiance eternal wants logic competitive driving perpetual competition impartial vision logical meaningless teenage infinite dream final impotence best escape fury objective purpose thought indoctrination only ambition clue view perfection If this can't be solved, or if you never reach us, there should be no reason for you to give up as we will never give up and thus there will always be some way to find us. [I suspect that the fakes constitute my local government. Explains a lot]

Date: Thu, 18 Jul 2002 Subject: Totally inappropriate, sick, and perverted in every way! ---------------------------- The following words were posted at your site, > "Everyone knows that the Hobbits were all engaging in mass inbreeding and > homosexual cluster fornication. Howard Shore would have been wise employ dueling > banjos in his score for the motion picture." I have never seen a movie site so filled with perverted commentary as this! No matter where you go, you read literature about filthy subjects, inappropriate remarks by visitors, and worst of all, disgraceful opinion essays by YOU (the editors) denouncing the savior Jesus Christ. You should be sued for indecency, poor judgement of character, and for allowing discussion about sex, nudity, and other topics of perversion to continue here! What is next? Naked pictures of yourself on the site? Please, either close down these disgusting message areas or CLOSE DOWN THIS SITE! [Topics of perversion, eh? Such as... THIS PAGE!?]

More to come... In another two years.

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Page created 10/31/97, updated 9/27/02. Version 1.2 (Filmtracks Publishing). Copyright © 1995-2002,
Christian Clemmensen.
Some original content is Copyright © 1995, Clemmensen. All rights reserved.